decision, and I found that comforting. She was smart and interesting, too. Add to that the fact that she was also unbelievably hot, and I liked spending time with her. The trouble was that we had nothing in common.
She would talk, and my mind would wander back to Katie. The thing was that I wanted to make things work with Petra. I knew I had to get past Katie. I wasn’t stupid. Katie was beautiful and funny and artistic and going to a school with people who were just like that. She had abandoned the promise multiple times already, I was sure.
So I had to look to the future, but every time I tried I hit a wall, and my difficulty in enjoying Petra as a friend seemed to indicate that it was all me. It would be impossible for me to connect with anyone without some core problem. Was complete happiness with someone impossible?
I was thinking those things over while still hearing the echo of a slammed door in my ear. Petra had been upset, more than upset—she was actually screaming how I wouldn’t do more than make out with her. I heard her mutter “I can’t believe I’m having to beg a guy to sleep with me” as she stormed out the door.
Why wouldn’t I go any further with my girlfriends? I certainly had my chances. I told myself it was because having sex required something special. Katie and I had never discussed the practical experience of losing one’s virginity concerning us , but we had talked at length about the moment in general. And we agreed—sex is something that would be super awesome with your perfect parter and not quite as awesome with someone else. At least that’s what our teen minds believed.
And that’s when two things hit me—One was that I wouldn’t have sex with a girl unless she was perfect, and two, the only perfect girl I knew was Katie.
I broke up with Petra that night. I uncorked that sad old cliché on her, “It’s not you, It’s me.” She slapped me and stormed out yet again, but I didn’t blame her. It wasn’t her. It was me. All me.
27
Katie
I fell hard for Phil senior year. He was a sculptor, and I volunteered to pose for him because he was hot in that long wavy dark hair, brooding artist, and intense stare kind of way. I mean, he wasn’t an Adonis, but as far as artists go, he was tall and had a tight body.
Part of me had given up after Rob, but loneliness and hormones pushed that aside, and I still tried to find that special someone. Unfortunately, I hadn’t had much success with guys, mostly because college guys tended to be shallow idiots without the intelligence and soul that Max had. But Phil seemed different.
So I figured, what the hell, I’ll pose. He needed someone to pose for him practically every night for a full semester, and if nothing else I thought the forced time together would lead to at least something.
The first night he greeted me with a firm handshake. “Katie, I’m so glad you volunteered for this. You have the perfect body for what I have in mind.”
I laughed. “In a bar that would mean something entirely different.”
He smirked, and the way the light from his workroom lit up his face sealed the deal. I had finally found the guy who could take my mind off of Max. “Yeah, well this isn’t a bar.” I loved his response, too—blunt, to the point, not afraid to ruffle feathers. So unlike Max.
“Okay, take off your clothes.”
“Uh, what?” It’s not that I minded getting naked for him, but the professor expressly told me that this job did not entail nudity. “I thought you were to focus on fabric.” At least that’s what Professor Greene had said.
“No.” He stated in a very matter-of-fact tone. “The rest of the class is focusing on fabric. It’s hard to sculpt. But I’m going to surprise Greene and focus on something higher.” The look on his face was intense, and I found it exciting. I couldn’t help but nod my head and agree with his vision, whatever it was. “I’m going to take your beautiful body and provide it the
She would talk, and my mind would wander back to Katie. The thing was that I wanted to make things work with Petra. I knew I had to get past Katie. I wasn’t stupid. Katie was beautiful and funny and artistic and going to a school with people who were just like that. She had abandoned the promise multiple times already, I was sure.
So I had to look to the future, but every time I tried I hit a wall, and my difficulty in enjoying Petra as a friend seemed to indicate that it was all me. It would be impossible for me to connect with anyone without some core problem. Was complete happiness with someone impossible?
I was thinking those things over while still hearing the echo of a slammed door in my ear. Petra had been upset, more than upset—she was actually screaming how I wouldn’t do more than make out with her. I heard her mutter “I can’t believe I’m having to beg a guy to sleep with me” as she stormed out the door.
Why wouldn’t I go any further with my girlfriends? I certainly had my chances. I told myself it was because having sex required something special. Katie and I had never discussed the practical experience of losing one’s virginity concerning us , but we had talked at length about the moment in general. And we agreed—sex is something that would be super awesome with your perfect parter and not quite as awesome with someone else. At least that’s what our teen minds believed.
And that’s when two things hit me—One was that I wouldn’t have sex with a girl unless she was perfect, and two, the only perfect girl I knew was Katie.
I broke up with Petra that night. I uncorked that sad old cliché on her, “It’s not you, It’s me.” She slapped me and stormed out yet again, but I didn’t blame her. It wasn’t her. It was me. All me.
27
Katie
I fell hard for Phil senior year. He was a sculptor, and I volunteered to pose for him because he was hot in that long wavy dark hair, brooding artist, and intense stare kind of way. I mean, he wasn’t an Adonis, but as far as artists go, he was tall and had a tight body.
Part of me had given up after Rob, but loneliness and hormones pushed that aside, and I still tried to find that special someone. Unfortunately, I hadn’t had much success with guys, mostly because college guys tended to be shallow idiots without the intelligence and soul that Max had. But Phil seemed different.
So I figured, what the hell, I’ll pose. He needed someone to pose for him practically every night for a full semester, and if nothing else I thought the forced time together would lead to at least something.
The first night he greeted me with a firm handshake. “Katie, I’m so glad you volunteered for this. You have the perfect body for what I have in mind.”
I laughed. “In a bar that would mean something entirely different.”
He smirked, and the way the light from his workroom lit up his face sealed the deal. I had finally found the guy who could take my mind off of Max. “Yeah, well this isn’t a bar.” I loved his response, too—blunt, to the point, not afraid to ruffle feathers. So unlike Max.
“Okay, take off your clothes.”
“Uh, what?” It’s not that I minded getting naked for him, but the professor expressly told me that this job did not entail nudity. “I thought you were to focus on fabric.” At least that’s what Professor Greene had said.
“No.” He stated in a very matter-of-fact tone. “The rest of the class is focusing on fabric. It’s hard to sculpt. But I’m going to surprise Greene and focus on something higher.” The look on his face was intense, and I found it exciting. I couldn’t help but nod my head and agree with his vision, whatever it was. “I’m going to take your beautiful body and provide it the
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