about the possibility that someone chopped off your daughter’s head and burned it in a log fire? We were nothing more than pawns in Bridger’s sick game.
The worst thing was having to keep information from our loved ones. We were carrying a huge burden that we couldn’t share, even with some of the people who loved April most, like our
parents and siblings. The biggest dilemma of all was what we’d tell Jazmin and Harley, who still seemed to think April was alive and being hidden by her kidnapper. Harley in particular was
hopeful they’d be reunited with her soon. He even asked us if she’d be home for Christmas, which was heartbreaking. We didn’t want to keep anything from either of them, but we
decided to get the holidays out of the way before we had a frank conversation about how their sister had been murdered. If nothing else, they deserved the best Christmas we could possibly give
them.
‘April, I was so looking forward to watching you grow up,’ I wrote in my diary that evening. ‘It’s not like we have a lot to look forward to. We have no money. My eyes
are bad and my prospects are dire. I think I put some of my hope for life in you, but now you leave such a hole in my life. We just don’t know what to do, or how to carry on, but we must. We
will have to tell Jazz and Harley sometime in January. It will break their hearts and mess them up even more than now, but they need us and your mum and I need each other.
‘I love you, April. Dad xxx.’
6
Limbo
W e knew there wouldn’t be any major developments in the case before Christmas was over, so we had no choice but to wait. Luckily, our FLOs
were very supportive and keen to answer any questions we might have. A few weeks before Christmas, they organised a meeting with the Crown Prosecution Service so we could speak about the case.
When we arrived at the meeting, our emotions were on a knife edge. It had been a very mixed morning. The post had arrived early and with it two important letters. The first was from Prince
William and his wife Kate. Just a few days earlier it had been announced that they were expecting their first baby, after Kate had been hospitalised with severe morning sickness. Prince William
wrote that although he was sure his letter was of no worth, he couldn’t bear not to get in touch to say how sorry he was about April. We were overwhelmed that, amongst everything he was
dealing with, the future King had found the time to contact us and offer his condolences.
The next letter was not so uplifting. It was from the local council, who advised us that they would shortly be removing all the pink bows on display in the town centre. Coral especially found
this insensitive and highly unnecessary. Making the bows had been a coping mechanism for her and had really helped us both see how much support there was for our family in the town. April had
barely been gone two months and we still had the trial to get through. We had always understood that the town needed to move on at some point but all our friends and neighbours were still mourning
the loss of April. Coral was very tearful and when Dave and Hayley heard how upset she’d become, they were very angry. They immediately arranged a meeting with the councillors to find out how
the decision had been made and if it could be reversed.
By mid-morning I was stressed and in desperate need of fresh air. I took a walk up my hill with Autumn and Storm and, when I reached the top, I realised I was crying. I sat down for a few
moments and began to speak to April. As well as writing in my diary, I’d taken to doing this on my quiet moments on the hill as it helped me feel close to my little girl.
‘We miss and love you so much,’ I sobbed. ‘I promise I’ll look after your mum, Jazz, Harley and all of your teddies.’
Right at that moment, I noticed a faint rainbow had begun to appear over Bryn-y-Gog. I’d made scores, if not hundreds, of trips up this hill but I’d never
The worst thing was having to keep information from our loved ones. We were carrying a huge burden that we couldn’t share, even with some of the people who loved April most, like our
parents and siblings. The biggest dilemma of all was what we’d tell Jazmin and Harley, who still seemed to think April was alive and being hidden by her kidnapper. Harley in particular was
hopeful they’d be reunited with her soon. He even asked us if she’d be home for Christmas, which was heartbreaking. We didn’t want to keep anything from either of them, but we
decided to get the holidays out of the way before we had a frank conversation about how their sister had been murdered. If nothing else, they deserved the best Christmas we could possibly give
them.
‘April, I was so looking forward to watching you grow up,’ I wrote in my diary that evening. ‘It’s not like we have a lot to look forward to. We have no money. My eyes
are bad and my prospects are dire. I think I put some of my hope for life in you, but now you leave such a hole in my life. We just don’t know what to do, or how to carry on, but we must. We
will have to tell Jazz and Harley sometime in January. It will break their hearts and mess them up even more than now, but they need us and your mum and I need each other.
‘I love you, April. Dad xxx.’
6
Limbo
W e knew there wouldn’t be any major developments in the case before Christmas was over, so we had no choice but to wait. Luckily, our FLOs
were very supportive and keen to answer any questions we might have. A few weeks before Christmas, they organised a meeting with the Crown Prosecution Service so we could speak about the case.
When we arrived at the meeting, our emotions were on a knife edge. It had been a very mixed morning. The post had arrived early and with it two important letters. The first was from Prince
William and his wife Kate. Just a few days earlier it had been announced that they were expecting their first baby, after Kate had been hospitalised with severe morning sickness. Prince William
wrote that although he was sure his letter was of no worth, he couldn’t bear not to get in touch to say how sorry he was about April. We were overwhelmed that, amongst everything he was
dealing with, the future King had found the time to contact us and offer his condolences.
The next letter was not so uplifting. It was from the local council, who advised us that they would shortly be removing all the pink bows on display in the town centre. Coral especially found
this insensitive and highly unnecessary. Making the bows had been a coping mechanism for her and had really helped us both see how much support there was for our family in the town. April had
barely been gone two months and we still had the trial to get through. We had always understood that the town needed to move on at some point but all our friends and neighbours were still mourning
the loss of April. Coral was very tearful and when Dave and Hayley heard how upset she’d become, they were very angry. They immediately arranged a meeting with the councillors to find out how
the decision had been made and if it could be reversed.
By mid-morning I was stressed and in desperate need of fresh air. I took a walk up my hill with Autumn and Storm and, when I reached the top, I realised I was crying. I sat down for a few
moments and began to speak to April. As well as writing in my diary, I’d taken to doing this on my quiet moments on the hill as it helped me feel close to my little girl.
‘We miss and love you so much,’ I sobbed. ‘I promise I’ll look after your mum, Jazz, Harley and all of your teddies.’
Right at that moment, I noticed a faint rainbow had begun to appear over Bryn-y-Gog. I’d made scores, if not hundreds, of trips up this hill but I’d never
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