Blind Faith by Kimberley Reeves Page A

help arrived?   Help never arrived, how could it have?”   Her voice grew cold and distant.   “How could anyone have helped me once it was over?   What could anyone say or do to help me after I had been forced to have sex with four different boys?”
    “I…you’re right, Serena, there wasn’t anything that could have been done at that point.   I wish I could go back in time, that I could change something, anything , that would have prevented what happened to you.”
    “They were your friends ,” the accusatory words were hurled at him .   “You could have stopped it but you didn’t, and now you’re acting as if…”
    Serena stopped abruptly when she felt his body go rigid.   In spite of what she’d just told him, she didn’t doubt Will’s sincerity about wishing he could change what happened that night .  B ut was it remorse or guilt that was causing a physical reaction?   She supposed the real question should be; why would she care?   What difference did it make to her whether he was sorry or not?   Except…something persisted in nagging at her, a ghost of a memory that kept tapping her on the shoulder and then retreating into the shadows before she got a good look at it.
    “Acting as if I didn’t take part in it, is that what you were going to say, Serena?”
    He sounded hurt, like someone being falsely accused, and that confused her even more.   Doubt began to cloud Serena’s mind.   A memory flickered, came into focus for a few brief seconds before being whisked away again.   Will lifting her off the cold, hard ground; the fierce determination in his voice as he carried her through the darkness and promised she would be okay…
    “I don’t know what I’m saying, Will.   I’ve spent so many years warding off the memories, maybe they’re just not there anymore.”              
    “With something that traumatic it’s possible you may never remember,” he conceded, “but you won’t know unless you try.   T he easiest thing would be to tell you what happened , but if I did that, how would you ever know for sure I was telling the truth?”
    “But I would know because I trust you,” Serena replied without thinking.
    “How can you say that?   How can you possibly trust a man you think viciously attacked you then just left you there, broken and scared and so…defenseless?”
    How was she supposed to respond to that when she didn’t know the answer herself?   She couldn’t even think straight with so many conflicting emotions swirling around inside of her .  A nd now Will sounded as if he was upset with her for saying she trusted him, which only added to the muddled state of her mind.   She struggled to make sense of it all, but it was like trying to jam a square peg into a round hole.   Several minutes ticked by but Will didn’t press for an answer.  He seemed to know she needed time to work it out in her mind.   Maybe if she had been thinking clearer, it wouldn’t have taken her so long to realize the significance of the things Will had said.
    Why was he so adamant that she remember what happened on her own when he could have given her any version he wanted and at least attempted to justify his actions?   So far, Will had avoided answering her questions as to why he’d done it or why he hadn’t tried to stop the others.   He hadn’t even tried to use alcohol as an excuse.   As a matter of fact, he hadn’t made any excuses for himself at all , which could only mean one of two things; either he felt no guilt for what he’d done…or he was not one of the four boys that attacked her.
    I’m so sorry.   Forgive me…
    “You asked me to forgive you,” Serena said slowly .  
    “Yes…yes, I did,” Will let out a relieved sigh.   “Is it   coming back to you now?”
    “Not…all of it, just bits and pieces but…we were alone when you said it, weren’t we?”
    “Yes.”
    “Then it had to have been one of the boys that attacked me who told me he was