sweetie.â
âNick gave somebody else the part.â
âThe bastard. I knew he would. Heâs that kind of a guy. I kind of think thatâs one of the reasons your mother fell in love with him. She never did know how to handle kindness.â
âNo,â Courtney said, looking at Al. âSheâs always been a little afraid of people who were kind to her, like Daddy. Alâwhatâs this place like that weâre moving to?â
âNot bad, baby. Not bad at all for the money. A room with a couple of studio couches, and a legitimate kitchen. Of course, itâs no Garden of Allah, but you ought to be just as glad that youâre getting out of there. Donât think I havenât noticed the way you follow Cabot around. And when you go to confession you go down Havenhurst, so that youâll pass his apartment house. Donât think I miss that, sweetie, when I see you pass here. And you never eat breakfast in the second shift at Schwabâs any more, because you know he always eats at two. Everything here is in about a three-block area, so nobody misses a thing.â
âNobody whoâs looking for it.â
âWell, youâre knocking your brains out, kid, and making a fool of yourself. He doesnât want to get involved with a young girl. And if he did go out with you, it would be for only one thing. Thatâs no good. I admit I looked at you that way, tooâonce. But then I realized that you were just a kid. Thatâs what Cabot realizes, and you ought to be glad.â
âWell, Iâm not glad, Al. Honestly, I get so lonely sometimes. And now weâre going to move out by Beverly Hills, and Iâll never see anybody but Mummy.â
âYouâll be starting school pretty soon, and youâll have dates and friends your own age.â
âNo, I wonât, Al,â she said soberly. âYou donât know what it was like at school. I donât have anything in common with people my own age. I had one real friend at school, my roommate. For all the years I was at Scaisbrooke, only one friendship grew out of it. I donât know whatâs wrong with me, Al, why I donât fit in. But itâs no use telling myself that when I move to a new school Iâll suddenly have a group of friends, because all I have to do is look at the record.â
Al shook his head.
âCrazy mixed-up kid. In a few years youâll find some guy, and you wonât be lonely any more. Thereâs a helluva potential there, and some guy is gonna see it.â
âYes, in a few years. The rest of the time I just go on like this. And, Al, Iâm frightened. I donât know if youâll understand this, but this morning I couldnât get up, even though Iâd had a lot of sleep. And last night I just wanted to get to bed, even though I wasnât really sleepy. It was an effort for me to walk over here, as though Iâd had about three hoursâ sleep. That hasnât happened since I left Scaisbrooke, and it means something is wrong. Something is happening to me, and I donât understand it, and it frightens me because I canât control it.â
Al didnât understand what Courtney meant, but he understood when she suddenly rushed to him like a small child and buried her head in his chest.
âIâm afraid of it, Al,â she said, her words muffled. âAnd Iâm afraid of being so alone with it.â
He ran his hand gently through her hair, mussing it as he would a childâs.
âWhat you need, kid, is a couple of parents. Even one would do.â
âI have one, Al. But I wonât let her be a parent. She wants to be. But I wonât tell her the things that are bothering me, the way Iâll tell you. I feel kind ofâwell, protectedâwith you, because youâre a man and I just feel resentful with her, because sheâs Mummy and sheâs a woman. Does that make any
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