Commodity by Shay Savage

just spit it out.
    “You don’t have to sleep on the couch.”
    “I’m not leaving you out here and close to the door,” he says with his arms crossed over his chest.  “Not a chance.”
    “I was going to say…”  I sigh loudly, place one hand over my face, and just say it.  “You could sleep in the bed, too.”
    Falk stares at me with those intense eyes.  I imagine he’s watching me and waiting to see if my body language matches my words.
    “You sure?” he finally says.
    “I think I’d feel safer that way.”  Saying the words out loud relaxes me slightly.
    “All right.”
    I nod silently before excusing myself to the bathroom to wash up and get ready for bed.  I have no idea if I’m making a good decision or not, but it feels right to me.  Having Falk close calms me, and I need a little calm right now.  Everything else around me is insane.
    I climb into bed and lay my head against the pillow.  A few minutes later, Falk comes in and stares at me for a minute.
    “You sure you’re good with this?”
    “You were sleeping right next to me last night,” I say with a shrug.  “This isn’t all that different.”
    Falk nods and climbs into bed beside me.  He shuffles around a bit to get comfortable, then switches from his back to his side, facing me.
    “I wouldn’t take advantage of you,” he says abruptly.
    “I know you wouldn’t.”
    “Good.  I just wanted to make sure.”
    My mind immediately begins to wander.  I remember the view of Falk wearing nothing but a towel, dripping from his shower, and my skin tingles.  He’s close enough that I can feel the heat from his body through the sheet.  I try to keep my breathing even, but I keep thinking about his arm wrapped around me last night, and I wonder what it would feel like to have his hands all over me.
    I haven’t had thoughts like this since the day I was assaulted.  None.  The therapist in the hospital went on and on about how I shouldn’t think of the attack as sexual, but that didn’t mean I had any interest in having another man touch me ever again.
    Until now.
    They hurt me.  They battered and assaulted me.  They held me down while I screamed, and they threatened to kill me.  I had nightmares for weeks afterward.  I couldn’t walk outside by myself without looking over my shoulder.
    “You’ve got that look on your face,” Falk says.
    “What look?” I ask, startled.
    “The same look you had right before you broke down on me.”
    I reach up and quickly wipe away the tear that had escaped when I was lost in thought.  I take a deep breath and center myself.
    “I’m trying not to.”
    “He really did get to you, didn’t he?”
    “Maybe a little.”
    “Fucker,” Falk snarled.
    “It’s not that he did anything that’s so bad,” I say.  “It just…makes me think about everything else.”
    I bite at my lip to keep the memories from resurfacing, but it doesn’t help.  They’re all flooding back anyway.
    “You going to tell me what happened?” Falk asks quietly.
    I swallow hard past the lump that suddenly lodges in my throat.  It’s already in my head now, so maybe I should tell him.  If this catastrophe hadn’t happened, I’d be in Washington, D.C. right now, telling it over and over again as people questioned me.
    “I’ve relived it so many times,” I whisper.  “I don’t know.”
    “You were going to tell it to a bunch of strangers,” he reminds me.  “I’m not a stranger anymore, am I?”
    I’m starting to wonder if he can actually read my mind.
    “No, you’re not.”
    “That’s good to know.”  Falk props himself up on one elbow and looks at me.
    “All right, I’ll tell you.  I’m a shitty storyteller though.”
    “I won’t hold it against you.”
    I lie on my back and stare at the ceiling, trying to compose my thoughts before I begin.
    “It started with an accounting report,” I say.  “The woman who usually investigated discrepancies was out of the office.  I’d