mother exclaims. “Can I borrow those later? Reggie would get a kick out of them. I could do a whole goldfish theme and make him eat goldfish crackers off of my-”
“Mom!” I interrupt. “What did I tell you about oversharing?”
Glancing at my watch, I realize I still have an hour before I need to leave the house for my interview. An entire hour of staring at Stripper Barbie and listening to my mother discuss her sex life with my father. I start pacing in the living room, wiping my sweaty palms on my skirt.
“I don’t know why you’re so nervous. Aside from your shoe selection, they’re going to love you,” my mother tells me.
“I’m nervous because this is a big deal. Sam got me this interview, and I can’t screw it up. I have to make a good impression.”
Aunt Bobbie walks into the room and shoves a glass of water at me, holding her palm out that has a little pill resting in the middle of it. “Here, take this.”
I step back and shake my my head at her. “I’m not taking drugs before an interview, are you insane?!”
Aunt Bobbie scoffs, thrusting her hand toward me. “Quit being a little bitch and take it. It’s a Xanax, not meth. It will just take the edge off so you don’t go in there and screw everything up.”
“I love Xanax. I used to take it all the time when I first started stripping. I was so self-conscious about my body and it really helped,” Pinky informs me.
“That reminds me, don’t make any plans for after your interview. Pinky is going to give us a pole dancing lesson!” my mother says with a smile, glancing over at Pinky. “Will we need to be naked for this? Should I have Reggie pick up some more firewood for the fireplace so we don’t get cold?”
Grabbing the little pill from Aunt Bobbie’s hand and the glass of water she’s still holding out to me, I down it quickly and hand the empty glass back to her.
“Good girl. Now you’ll be nice and relaxed and they’ll hire you on the spot,” she tells me with a pat on the head like I’m a puppy.
She walks out of the room to take the glass into the kitchen and I breathe a sigh of relief. I can already feel my nervousness slipping away and I start going over all of the things I’ll say during the interview to dazzle them. I really, really need this job so I can get the hell out of this house.
At this point, I’d take a job at McDonald’s flipping burgers just to get a minute alone with Sam. Not only am I freaking out about landing this job, I’m freaking out about how crazy Sam has been acting lately. Getting his nipple pierced because he’s under the impression I don’t think he’s enough of a man? Where in the hell did THAT come from? I mean, it’s hot, don’t get me wrong, but really? And he hasn’t even mentioned us living together in days. Not one word, when up until our fight, he brought it up every chance he could.
So, not only am I freaking out about getting a job, I’m freaking out about Sam changing his mind about wanting to live with me. Which I know, makes me the biggest hypocrite in the world since I want to be officially engaged before we live together, and even though I was getting annoyed with him bringing it up all the time, it was still nice to be asked. And feel wanted.
I really suck and need to get my shit together.
“I’m going to go soak in a nice bubble bath to get my muscles relaxed so I can be extra bendy for our lesson,” my mother announces, bringing me out of my thoughts.
I take that as my cue to get the fuck out of this house, even if it means I’ll show up to my interview a little early. I’d rather be early and not have to listen to my mother talk about getting bendy, than throw up on the living room carpet and be late.
Grabbing my coat and purse from the couch, I wave good-bye to my mom and Pinky as they both wish me luck, and ignore my mother when she tells me to undo another button on my top and show a little more cleavage to distract them from my
“Mom!” I interrupt. “What did I tell you about oversharing?”
Glancing at my watch, I realize I still have an hour before I need to leave the house for my interview. An entire hour of staring at Stripper Barbie and listening to my mother discuss her sex life with my father. I start pacing in the living room, wiping my sweaty palms on my skirt.
“I don’t know why you’re so nervous. Aside from your shoe selection, they’re going to love you,” my mother tells me.
“I’m nervous because this is a big deal. Sam got me this interview, and I can’t screw it up. I have to make a good impression.”
Aunt Bobbie walks into the room and shoves a glass of water at me, holding her palm out that has a little pill resting in the middle of it. “Here, take this.”
I step back and shake my my head at her. “I’m not taking drugs before an interview, are you insane?!”
Aunt Bobbie scoffs, thrusting her hand toward me. “Quit being a little bitch and take it. It’s a Xanax, not meth. It will just take the edge off so you don’t go in there and screw everything up.”
“I love Xanax. I used to take it all the time when I first started stripping. I was so self-conscious about my body and it really helped,” Pinky informs me.
“That reminds me, don’t make any plans for after your interview. Pinky is going to give us a pole dancing lesson!” my mother says with a smile, glancing over at Pinky. “Will we need to be naked for this? Should I have Reggie pick up some more firewood for the fireplace so we don’t get cold?”
Grabbing the little pill from Aunt Bobbie’s hand and the glass of water she’s still holding out to me, I down it quickly and hand the empty glass back to her.
“Good girl. Now you’ll be nice and relaxed and they’ll hire you on the spot,” she tells me with a pat on the head like I’m a puppy.
She walks out of the room to take the glass into the kitchen and I breathe a sigh of relief. I can already feel my nervousness slipping away and I start going over all of the things I’ll say during the interview to dazzle them. I really, really need this job so I can get the hell out of this house.
At this point, I’d take a job at McDonald’s flipping burgers just to get a minute alone with Sam. Not only am I freaking out about landing this job, I’m freaking out about how crazy Sam has been acting lately. Getting his nipple pierced because he’s under the impression I don’t think he’s enough of a man? Where in the hell did THAT come from? I mean, it’s hot, don’t get me wrong, but really? And he hasn’t even mentioned us living together in days. Not one word, when up until our fight, he brought it up every chance he could.
So, not only am I freaking out about getting a job, I’m freaking out about Sam changing his mind about wanting to live with me. Which I know, makes me the biggest hypocrite in the world since I want to be officially engaged before we live together, and even though I was getting annoyed with him bringing it up all the time, it was still nice to be asked. And feel wanted.
I really suck and need to get my shit together.
“I’m going to go soak in a nice bubble bath to get my muscles relaxed so I can be extra bendy for our lesson,” my mother announces, bringing me out of my thoughts.
I take that as my cue to get the fuck out of this house, even if it means I’ll show up to my interview a little early. I’d rather be early and not have to listen to my mother talk about getting bendy, than throw up on the living room carpet and be late.
Grabbing my coat and purse from the couch, I wave good-bye to my mom and Pinky as they both wish me luck, and ignore my mother when she tells me to undo another button on my top and show a little more cleavage to distract them from my
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