was finished with love and love was finished with me.”
“You never gave us a chance.”
“Are you going to tell me where Brannon stashed that money?”
“No,” he answered flatly.
“No?”
“No.”
“Why won’t you tell me?”
“You want to know why Jake really left?”
I shook my head. “I’m not here to discuss Jake.”
“Because for the longest time, you had Brannon’s ashes in your closet. Your closet! Then you have Brannon’s pictures all over the Butterfly . . . still. After all the crap he gave you, there are pictures of him everywhere. Who can compete with a dead man?”
“I loved Brannon. He built the Butterfly for me.”
“And took credit for your design and then made you suffer for his deception.”
“It wasn’t like that.”
Goetz shook his head. “Yes, it was, Josiah. Your faith in that man was completely misplaced and deep down you know it.
“Your daughter knew about Brannon. That’s one of the reasons she left after high school. She might not have known any of the details, but she knew there was something phony about her old man, and she didn’t want to be witness to it anymore.”
“That’s a lie. Asa loved Brannon.”
“Maybe, but did Brannon love Asa? Did he stick by Asa during the trial?”
I cradled my head in my hands, remembering that awful night when Brannon left me.
Asa’s life was being ripped apart. Brannon and I were drowning in debt and he took that moment to leave during dinner, taking my good jewelry, some of my couture dresses, and my dignity with him.
It only took Asa a few moments to discover that Brannon had drained our bank accounts as well.
Goetz was right.
Brannon had been an awful man–beautiful on the outside, but so ugly on the inside.
I just hadn’t been able to face the fact that I had been so gullible. Oh, over the years, I had come close to admitting it, but not really owning it.
Now the truth smacked me right in the face.
And there was no running away from it now.
But I was going to try.
34
I rushed to the door, but Goetz moved more quickly than I did.
He slammed the door shut.
I wouldn’t look at him.
“Don’t go, Josiah,” Goetz whispered in my ear. “Take a chance. Spend the night with me.”
He pulled me to him and kissed me softly on the lips, and then my face and neck.
I pushed away from him, but the man was incredibly strong.
Goetz held me tighter.
“I don’t trust you,” I protested.
“So don’t trust me,” Goetz whispered. He began to nuzzle my neck.
I’m ashamed to say that it felt nice. I’m ashamed to say that I raised my head to meet his lips. I’m ashamed to say that I returned his kiss.
I’m just ashamed.
35
I have only had three lovers in my life. A boyfriend in my first year of college. Oh my, how we fumbled with each other.
Then Brannon. He was already experienced. Even during our low points, I always enjoyed our private time together.
Then there was Jake. We were so in sync that being with Jake was a sublime experience. Jake was a drug for me–a big bag of painkillers. I actually went into withdrawal when he went away. I miss him every day, with every breath I take. It’s another kind of pain that I have to get used to.
Three? Just three. What about Matt? You know that Matt and I played that silly game where we acted like lovers just to give the neighbors something to gossip about.
Yes, I did go to his house that night. And yes, being with Matt was my intention. I’m not making excuses for my bad judgment, but I was out of my mind. My regret is that I put Matt in a bind.
Oh, he tried to accommodate me, but it was a disaster. I started giggling at the absurdity of us together and after that, Matt lost his will or his nerve. I don’t know which.
We ended up in bed, watching old movies and I fell asleep with a bowl of popcorn on my lap and Matt snoring beside me.
Why have I let Franklin think differently all these years?
If you remember, I tried to tell him nothing
“You never gave us a chance.”
“Are you going to tell me where Brannon stashed that money?”
“No,” he answered flatly.
“No?”
“No.”
“Why won’t you tell me?”
“You want to know why Jake really left?”
I shook my head. “I’m not here to discuss Jake.”
“Because for the longest time, you had Brannon’s ashes in your closet. Your closet! Then you have Brannon’s pictures all over the Butterfly . . . still. After all the crap he gave you, there are pictures of him everywhere. Who can compete with a dead man?”
“I loved Brannon. He built the Butterfly for me.”
“And took credit for your design and then made you suffer for his deception.”
“It wasn’t like that.”
Goetz shook his head. “Yes, it was, Josiah. Your faith in that man was completely misplaced and deep down you know it.
“Your daughter knew about Brannon. That’s one of the reasons she left after high school. She might not have known any of the details, but she knew there was something phony about her old man, and she didn’t want to be witness to it anymore.”
“That’s a lie. Asa loved Brannon.”
“Maybe, but did Brannon love Asa? Did he stick by Asa during the trial?”
I cradled my head in my hands, remembering that awful night when Brannon left me.
Asa’s life was being ripped apart. Brannon and I were drowning in debt and he took that moment to leave during dinner, taking my good jewelry, some of my couture dresses, and my dignity with him.
It only took Asa a few moments to discover that Brannon had drained our bank accounts as well.
Goetz was right.
Brannon had been an awful man–beautiful on the outside, but so ugly on the inside.
I just hadn’t been able to face the fact that I had been so gullible. Oh, over the years, I had come close to admitting it, but not really owning it.
Now the truth smacked me right in the face.
And there was no running away from it now.
But I was going to try.
34
I rushed to the door, but Goetz moved more quickly than I did.
He slammed the door shut.
I wouldn’t look at him.
“Don’t go, Josiah,” Goetz whispered in my ear. “Take a chance. Spend the night with me.”
He pulled me to him and kissed me softly on the lips, and then my face and neck.
I pushed away from him, but the man was incredibly strong.
Goetz held me tighter.
“I don’t trust you,” I protested.
“So don’t trust me,” Goetz whispered. He began to nuzzle my neck.
I’m ashamed to say that it felt nice. I’m ashamed to say that I raised my head to meet his lips. I’m ashamed to say that I returned his kiss.
I’m just ashamed.
35
I have only had three lovers in my life. A boyfriend in my first year of college. Oh my, how we fumbled with each other.
Then Brannon. He was already experienced. Even during our low points, I always enjoyed our private time together.
Then there was Jake. We were so in sync that being with Jake was a sublime experience. Jake was a drug for me–a big bag of painkillers. I actually went into withdrawal when he went away. I miss him every day, with every breath I take. It’s another kind of pain that I have to get used to.
Three? Just three. What about Matt? You know that Matt and I played that silly game where we acted like lovers just to give the neighbors something to gossip about.
Yes, I did go to his house that night. And yes, being with Matt was my intention. I’m not making excuses for my bad judgment, but I was out of my mind. My regret is that I put Matt in a bind.
Oh, he tried to accommodate me, but it was a disaster. I started giggling at the absurdity of us together and after that, Matt lost his will or his nerve. I don’t know which.
We ended up in bed, watching old movies and I fell asleep with a bowl of popcorn on my lap and Matt snoring beside me.
Why have I let Franklin think differently all these years?
If you remember, I tried to tell him nothing
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