training, I couldn't really do it whenever I wanted. Most of the time, I spent half an hour trying to make it happen before I finally gave up.
I took a deep breath in and my heartbeat slowed. I imagined the flames on my fingertips, but they wouldn't come. I shook my hands again, then lifted them in front of me.
How could I do this? What was really different about the demon side of my power?
I thought about the times when I'd shifted easily or used my demon power without having to really think about. First, against the hunters near the blue stones. I'd shifted in order to save my own life. Then, I'd used it again to break free of the hunter's cage in the throne room that first day we were attacked.
The first time I'd created fire with my demon power, I'd been arguing with my father.
Each time the demon side came easily I'd either been completely terrified of death or extremely angry. Feelings that were opposite of controlled and focused. There was nothing that felt safe about using my demon power. Instead, every time I shifted forms, panic seized my whole body. In fact, when I was in demon form, the second I started to really focus on my body or power in any way, I tended to lose my form and shift back to human.
Maybe the key to accessing that demon side of my power was to let the panic take over. Maybe instead of calm and focused, I needed to feel passionate and fractured.
I opened my eyes wide and stared at the dummy in front of me. I imagined Priestess Winter's evil smile and they way her eyes gleamed as she ran her ritual knife across the throat of Aldeen's prima. I let fury fill my heart. I let it send my mind in a million directions. I let it bring me to the ledge. Then I fell. Instead of controlling myself, I gave my inner demon free reign to feel.
Somewhere in the core of myself, I felt a strange power bloom. It started as a kernel of fire, then spread out in a wide circle, exploding until it consumed me from head to toe. Flames ran down my arms and covered my hands, much stronger and brighter than the human flames from a few minutes ago.
I pushed my hands forward, sending the flames across the room. The training dummy erupted, fire blazing high up toward the ceiling.
Power danced inside me. The loss of control scared the crap out of me, but it excited me at the same time.
Instead of draining me, this power fed me.
Jackson placed a warm hand on my shoulder and the flames died. I stumbled backward, shaking my head.
"Whoa," he said. "That was intense."
I laughed, almost drunk with it. "I've never been able to do that before," I said. "That was incredible."
"How was it different?" he asked.
I struggled for a way to explain it. It was more sensation that something I could put words to. Still, I wanted to try. "This was wild," I said. "Passionate and free. Instead of controlled and meticulous, this power was all about letting go. Instead of a single image in my mind, I felt this deeper. Almost as if it were primal. Does any of that make sense?"
Jackson's eyebrow raised slightly. "Yes, it does," he said.
"Is that the way it feels when you cast your magic?"
He seemed to think about that for a second. "I think it's different for me," he said. "Since it's the only kind of magic I have, I don't really know anything else. It's just natural for me. I'm not going to have the same kind of sensations you do, because I don't have anything to compare it to."
I nodded. "That makes sense," I said. "Does it feel different to use your demon magic here than when you use it in the human world?"
"Good question," he said. "When we go back, you'll need to be prepared for the difference. Here, demon power comes from within. As if the fuel for it lies in some well deep inside. When a demon casts in the human world, though, the power is drawn from outside. Everything around you that's alive can become a fuel source. Trees. Animals. People."
"Does that make it harder?"
"Sometimes," he said. "It can be both an advantage and a
I took a deep breath in and my heartbeat slowed. I imagined the flames on my fingertips, but they wouldn't come. I shook my hands again, then lifted them in front of me.
How could I do this? What was really different about the demon side of my power?
I thought about the times when I'd shifted easily or used my demon power without having to really think about. First, against the hunters near the blue stones. I'd shifted in order to save my own life. Then, I'd used it again to break free of the hunter's cage in the throne room that first day we were attacked.
The first time I'd created fire with my demon power, I'd been arguing with my father.
Each time the demon side came easily I'd either been completely terrified of death or extremely angry. Feelings that were opposite of controlled and focused. There was nothing that felt safe about using my demon power. Instead, every time I shifted forms, panic seized my whole body. In fact, when I was in demon form, the second I started to really focus on my body or power in any way, I tended to lose my form and shift back to human.
Maybe the key to accessing that demon side of my power was to let the panic take over. Maybe instead of calm and focused, I needed to feel passionate and fractured.
I opened my eyes wide and stared at the dummy in front of me. I imagined Priestess Winter's evil smile and they way her eyes gleamed as she ran her ritual knife across the throat of Aldeen's prima. I let fury fill my heart. I let it send my mind in a million directions. I let it bring me to the ledge. Then I fell. Instead of controlling myself, I gave my inner demon free reign to feel.
Somewhere in the core of myself, I felt a strange power bloom. It started as a kernel of fire, then spread out in a wide circle, exploding until it consumed me from head to toe. Flames ran down my arms and covered my hands, much stronger and brighter than the human flames from a few minutes ago.
I pushed my hands forward, sending the flames across the room. The training dummy erupted, fire blazing high up toward the ceiling.
Power danced inside me. The loss of control scared the crap out of me, but it excited me at the same time.
Instead of draining me, this power fed me.
Jackson placed a warm hand on my shoulder and the flames died. I stumbled backward, shaking my head.
"Whoa," he said. "That was intense."
I laughed, almost drunk with it. "I've never been able to do that before," I said. "That was incredible."
"How was it different?" he asked.
I struggled for a way to explain it. It was more sensation that something I could put words to. Still, I wanted to try. "This was wild," I said. "Passionate and free. Instead of controlled and meticulous, this power was all about letting go. Instead of a single image in my mind, I felt this deeper. Almost as if it were primal. Does any of that make sense?"
Jackson's eyebrow raised slightly. "Yes, it does," he said.
"Is that the way it feels when you cast your magic?"
He seemed to think about that for a second. "I think it's different for me," he said. "Since it's the only kind of magic I have, I don't really know anything else. It's just natural for me. I'm not going to have the same kind of sensations you do, because I don't have anything to compare it to."
I nodded. "That makes sense," I said. "Does it feel different to use your demon magic here than when you use it in the human world?"
"Good question," he said. "When we go back, you'll need to be prepared for the difference. Here, demon power comes from within. As if the fuel for it lies in some well deep inside. When a demon casts in the human world, though, the power is drawn from outside. Everything around you that's alive can become a fuel source. Trees. Animals. People."
"Does that make it harder?"
"Sometimes," he said. "It can be both an advantage and a
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