bag.”
I didn’t want to get any further into it than we already had, like her launching into a discussion about when exactly I was going to tell Shane about Scarlet and what exactly I was going to say. My mother needed to keep her nose out of that situation. I nodded my head and quickly made my way to my room.
As I was putting clothes into my bag, I heard a small knock on the door. I turned and saw my daughter standing there with a pensive look on her face.
“Where are you going, Mommy?” she asked.
Scarlet was precocious if she was anything. People told me all of the time that she looked just like me, but I knew that her skin tone and the fineness of her hair came from her father. To me, she looked like the spitting image of Shane.
There had been quite a bit of chatter around town when I had ended up pregnant and single. I have beat it out for college as soon as I could. Going to school and being heavily pregnant had been one of the most challenging experiences of my entire life. Luckily, my parents had been there to support me through all of that, and I needed to remember that before I got smart with my mother again. I had struggled then, and they were struggling now. I was supposed to be helping them, not making my mother feel bad.
I wondered again why had I been such an idiot. Looking into my daughter’s eyes made me think again that I had made the wrong decision for her all that time ago.
“It’s just for a couple days, honey,” I said. I patted the bed next to me, and she walked across the room and jumped up on it. She stared at me, and I wondered what she was thinking. She had started to ask questions recently about her father that made me more than a little uncomfortable. I hoped for her sake and for Shane’s that things would go smoothly once the initial shock wore off. I had to think that there was a way that maybe we could be a family. The idea was so far-fetched that it felt like some kind of fantasy.
“So Grandma will stay with me more,” she said looking down at her hands twisting in her lap.
Mommy guilt hit me hard. I paused in my packing and settled onto the bed next to her putting my arm around her. “I know I’ve been working longer hours with this new job. I haven’t been here as much as I wanted to. But I promise things will start settling soon.”
“Where you going?” she asked.
I thought about how to address this particular delicate situation without straight out lying to her. I decided a variation of the truth would be okay. “Mommy’s friend’s dad passed away today. He asked me if I would go with him to the funeral. I said that I would.”
“What’s your friend’s name?” she asked.
I groaned inwardly. “How about ice cream after dinner tonight? I’ll tell Grandma that you can have any flavor you want. Two scoops even!”
I could see that she had not forgotten her question despite her excitement about the ice cream. But, I thought that she understood I wasn’t ready to answer the question yet. My daughter was growing up too fast, and I thought that was probably because I was a single parent. I had to play both roles of mother and father, and that meant that she had to grow up far faster because she had to understand some things were too adult for her to know.
“Okay, Mommy,” she said. I gave her a hard hug.
“I promise I’ll call every night and say good night. Okay?”
She nodded to me and scooted off the bed. She was gone, and I was left with the weight of my guilt.
I finished packing and moved into the kitchen. I found my mother just finishing up putting spaghetti sauce into a plastic container. She handed it to me along with another container that I could see was full of spaghetti noodles. “I suppose that you and your friend will need to have dinner yet tonight. You can take these with you.”
I felt a spring of emotion in the back of my throat. I quickly wiped the tears away as I gave my mother a quick hug. “Thanks for everything,
I didn’t want to get any further into it than we already had, like her launching into a discussion about when exactly I was going to tell Shane about Scarlet and what exactly I was going to say. My mother needed to keep her nose out of that situation. I nodded my head and quickly made my way to my room.
As I was putting clothes into my bag, I heard a small knock on the door. I turned and saw my daughter standing there with a pensive look on her face.
“Where are you going, Mommy?” she asked.
Scarlet was precocious if she was anything. People told me all of the time that she looked just like me, but I knew that her skin tone and the fineness of her hair came from her father. To me, she looked like the spitting image of Shane.
There had been quite a bit of chatter around town when I had ended up pregnant and single. I have beat it out for college as soon as I could. Going to school and being heavily pregnant had been one of the most challenging experiences of my entire life. Luckily, my parents had been there to support me through all of that, and I needed to remember that before I got smart with my mother again. I had struggled then, and they were struggling now. I was supposed to be helping them, not making my mother feel bad.
I wondered again why had I been such an idiot. Looking into my daughter’s eyes made me think again that I had made the wrong decision for her all that time ago.
“It’s just for a couple days, honey,” I said. I patted the bed next to me, and she walked across the room and jumped up on it. She stared at me, and I wondered what she was thinking. She had started to ask questions recently about her father that made me more than a little uncomfortable. I hoped for her sake and for Shane’s that things would go smoothly once the initial shock wore off. I had to think that there was a way that maybe we could be a family. The idea was so far-fetched that it felt like some kind of fantasy.
“So Grandma will stay with me more,” she said looking down at her hands twisting in her lap.
Mommy guilt hit me hard. I paused in my packing and settled onto the bed next to her putting my arm around her. “I know I’ve been working longer hours with this new job. I haven’t been here as much as I wanted to. But I promise things will start settling soon.”
“Where you going?” she asked.
I thought about how to address this particular delicate situation without straight out lying to her. I decided a variation of the truth would be okay. “Mommy’s friend’s dad passed away today. He asked me if I would go with him to the funeral. I said that I would.”
“What’s your friend’s name?” she asked.
I groaned inwardly. “How about ice cream after dinner tonight? I’ll tell Grandma that you can have any flavor you want. Two scoops even!”
I could see that she had not forgotten her question despite her excitement about the ice cream. But, I thought that she understood I wasn’t ready to answer the question yet. My daughter was growing up too fast, and I thought that was probably because I was a single parent. I had to play both roles of mother and father, and that meant that she had to grow up far faster because she had to understand some things were too adult for her to know.
“Okay, Mommy,” she said. I gave her a hard hug.
“I promise I’ll call every night and say good night. Okay?”
She nodded to me and scooted off the bed. She was gone, and I was left with the weight of my guilt.
I finished packing and moved into the kitchen. I found my mother just finishing up putting spaghetti sauce into a plastic container. She handed it to me along with another container that I could see was full of spaghetti noodles. “I suppose that you and your friend will need to have dinner yet tonight. You can take these with you.”
I felt a spring of emotion in the back of my throat. I quickly wiped the tears away as I gave my mother a quick hug. “Thanks for everything,
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