space beside me. “Come back here.” When he did, I took his hand. “Sorry about the force field. I’ve been dealing with a lot of transitional stuff, I guess. Stuff I don’t want to burden you with because I’m not sure if they’re legitimate worries or just growing pains.” There, that was the most honest I had been with Josh since we’d moved. God, it felt good.
“Sarah, your ‘stuff,’ as you call it, is never a burden to me. Is my stuff a burden to you?”
“No. But your stuff is neater. Less complicated.”
“Is that an insult?”
“Not at all.”
He raised his eyebrow as he plucked a French fry from the plate.
“Honestly, it’s not. There are moments when the idea of a baby freaks me out, but I’m pretty sure that those are just moments.”
“Pretty sure?”
“I mean, I’m off birth control. What more do you want?”
“What more do I want? Shouldn’t it be ‘we’? Shouldn’t we both be rooting for it?”
“I am. I promise. Can we just keep winging it for a while and quietly hope that I get pregnant? Making a big fuss over the whys and wherefores of ovulation at this point seems unnecessary. It’s only been, what, a month of trying?”
“Okay, fair enough. I just wanted to clear the air.”
“And what does going to New York for a week or two have to do with our baby making? I’ll have my period anyway.”
“Maybe you won’t.”
“What do you mean?”
“The other day. In the kitchen? Who knows?” He smiled, and I summoned all of my strength to give him a convincing one in return.
“You’re doing it.”
“Doing what?”
“Surmising about the state of my uterus and shooting my blood pressure up in the process. Please, let’s just play dumb for a little while longer?”
“Okay, you’re right. Sorry.” He squeezed my thigh.
“Josh, I know in my heart that Mona needs me now. I don’t think I could ever forgive myself if I didn’t use this time that I have to help her. I really don’t. Even if she lived in Utah, I would want to go to her now.”
“Utah? Really?”
“Well, maybe it would take me a bit longer to deliberate about it, but yes.”
“Look, Sarah, I love you. Of course you have my blessing if you really want to go. Just come back, please.”
“Of course I’m coming back.” I hugged him. “I love you,” I said, whispering into his ear.
10
U-turn : turning your vehicle around in the street to go back the way you came.
T he straps of my backpack created sweat shadows down the front of my T-shirt as I marched determinedly down the main road to town. The ladybug infestation at home had driven me out. There were only so many tiny red-and-yellow bugs that I could pick off of blind slats before going certifiably insane. My mission was to make it to the coffee shop, drink a thousand gallons of water and ingest a sandwich, call Mona to tell her that I was coming whether she liked it or not, and then walk over to Bauble Head and promptly resign.
I rehearsed my resignation speech in my head as gnats dive-bombed me from all sides. A pickup truck wailed at me as it whizzed past and I gave it the finger. So, Mitzi, I’m so sorry to have to do this to you on such short notice, but since asking for two weeks of vacation at this stage of my employment qualifies as the highest level of douchery, I’m afraid I have to resign. I wondered how Mitzi would react to the word “douchery.” It was probably not my best choice of words. Highest level of inappropriateness? Better.
Finally, the strip mall appeared like a shimmering mirage on the horizon. Inside the coffee shop at last, I gulped in the air-conditioning as though it were oxygen and collapsed dramatically at a small table in the corner. As I removed my backpack, I took in the other patrons. All of them looked like college students, the boys in ratty fraternity T-shirts and cargo shorts and the girls in some derivative of workout gear with their hair and makeup deliberately straightened and
“Sarah, your ‘stuff,’ as you call it, is never a burden to me. Is my stuff a burden to you?”
“No. But your stuff is neater. Less complicated.”
“Is that an insult?”
“Not at all.”
He raised his eyebrow as he plucked a French fry from the plate.
“Honestly, it’s not. There are moments when the idea of a baby freaks me out, but I’m pretty sure that those are just moments.”
“Pretty sure?”
“I mean, I’m off birth control. What more do you want?”
“What more do I want? Shouldn’t it be ‘we’? Shouldn’t we both be rooting for it?”
“I am. I promise. Can we just keep winging it for a while and quietly hope that I get pregnant? Making a big fuss over the whys and wherefores of ovulation at this point seems unnecessary. It’s only been, what, a month of trying?”
“Okay, fair enough. I just wanted to clear the air.”
“And what does going to New York for a week or two have to do with our baby making? I’ll have my period anyway.”
“Maybe you won’t.”
“What do you mean?”
“The other day. In the kitchen? Who knows?” He smiled, and I summoned all of my strength to give him a convincing one in return.
“You’re doing it.”
“Doing what?”
“Surmising about the state of my uterus and shooting my blood pressure up in the process. Please, let’s just play dumb for a little while longer?”
“Okay, you’re right. Sorry.” He squeezed my thigh.
“Josh, I know in my heart that Mona needs me now. I don’t think I could ever forgive myself if I didn’t use this time that I have to help her. I really don’t. Even if she lived in Utah, I would want to go to her now.”
“Utah? Really?”
“Well, maybe it would take me a bit longer to deliberate about it, but yes.”
“Look, Sarah, I love you. Of course you have my blessing if you really want to go. Just come back, please.”
“Of course I’m coming back.” I hugged him. “I love you,” I said, whispering into his ear.
10
U-turn : turning your vehicle around in the street to go back the way you came.
T he straps of my backpack created sweat shadows down the front of my T-shirt as I marched determinedly down the main road to town. The ladybug infestation at home had driven me out. There were only so many tiny red-and-yellow bugs that I could pick off of blind slats before going certifiably insane. My mission was to make it to the coffee shop, drink a thousand gallons of water and ingest a sandwich, call Mona to tell her that I was coming whether she liked it or not, and then walk over to Bauble Head and promptly resign.
I rehearsed my resignation speech in my head as gnats dive-bombed me from all sides. A pickup truck wailed at me as it whizzed past and I gave it the finger. So, Mitzi, I’m so sorry to have to do this to you on such short notice, but since asking for two weeks of vacation at this stage of my employment qualifies as the highest level of douchery, I’m afraid I have to resign. I wondered how Mitzi would react to the word “douchery.” It was probably not my best choice of words. Highest level of inappropriateness? Better.
Finally, the strip mall appeared like a shimmering mirage on the horizon. Inside the coffee shop at last, I gulped in the air-conditioning as though it were oxygen and collapsed dramatically at a small table in the corner. As I removed my backpack, I took in the other patrons. All of them looked like college students, the boys in ratty fraternity T-shirts and cargo shorts and the girls in some derivative of workout gear with their hair and makeup deliberately straightened and
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