the people he felt closest to, I was lucky. But I’d witnessed him hurting those people time and again, even though he hadn’t always meant to.
“Ellie, you’re not telling me anything I don’t know. I listened to the things you said before I left. And now I know him better. I’m not going to stand here and promise you that if something does happen, I won’t let it. But I can promise you I won’t let it take over my life.”
I was lying and she knew it. Not intentionally, of course. I liked to think I could handle my feelings, and that I could be a grown up about anything that might happen between Jason and me. In reality, my insides fizzled with the idea he might feel something for me. My eyes glazed over for a second as I allowed myself to imagine kissing him, touching him, and the way his hands would feel on my skin. The mere idea of his lips on mine set my head spinning and my heart pounding.
“You keep telling yourself that,” Ellie said. “But I know better. I know how it feels to want someone that much when you think they don’t want you too. It hurts every single second.”
“I’m not the same as you. I don’t feel that way.”
I didn’t. Not as intensely, anyway. Jason had been with me a lot of the time, so I never felt the disconnection Ellie had once felt from Drew. And Drew was a lot different to Jason. Jason didn’t hide his feelings; he was openly affectionate and sweet. Drew had learned to be openly affectionate, but it wasn’t natural to him. He opened up once he knew Ellie loved him too, but he would never have given it up if she hadn’t made the first move. Their situation was not my situation.
“Maybe not. But you feel something, and that’s dangerous.”
“I can’t talk about this with you.”
I didn’t mean to be so blunt, but I didn’t want to spend another second discussing my potential heartbreak. I was trying to have the holiday of a lifetime, to experience amazing things, and to live in the moment. This was the equivalent of a large black cloud over my good time, and I wanted it gone. I wanted a strong breeze to blow it away and bring back my sunshine.
“I love you, Ellie, and I appreciate your concern. I promise I won’t forget the things you’ve said but this conversation is over.”
Turning on my heel, I walked back through to the restaurant and re-joined the rest of the band. As I took my seat beside Jason, I shuffled my chair slightly away from him, hoping he wouldn’t notice. Damn Ellie and Drew for making this awkward.
Why did they have to do that? Why did they have to interfere in something that hadn’t been a problem until they made it one?
“What’s up, Luce?”
All I could do was shake my head since Ellie and Drew were walking towards us, both of them looking less than happy and a tad guilty. So they bloody should. Because of them I didn’t feel comfortable talking to Jason anymore. Not while they were around, anyway. I couldn’t even bring myself to look at him. Instead, I picked at the remains of my cheesecake, pushing it around with my fork and praying we could leave soon so I could hide away in my bunk to vent my frustration in my journal.
Thankfully, it was less than fifteen minutes before everyone was ready to go, and we began the short walk back to the bus. The whole way I must have been giving off bad vibes because nobody came near me. It wasn’t like I was spitting with anger. If anything, I was kind of sullen. Emo . Not much like myself at all, but since the good parts of the evening had been snatched away by my overprotective sister, I didn’t feel like bouncing around and having my usual easy chatter with the guys.
I was the first onto the bus, and I kicked off my shoes and headed straight to my “room”, closing the curtain and flicking on the light.
I let out a sigh as I stretched out my legs then reached up to the shelf above me for my iPad, headphones, journal and a pen. Once I’d found some mellow music to listen to –
“Ellie, you’re not telling me anything I don’t know. I listened to the things you said before I left. And now I know him better. I’m not going to stand here and promise you that if something does happen, I won’t let it. But I can promise you I won’t let it take over my life.”
I was lying and she knew it. Not intentionally, of course. I liked to think I could handle my feelings, and that I could be a grown up about anything that might happen between Jason and me. In reality, my insides fizzled with the idea he might feel something for me. My eyes glazed over for a second as I allowed myself to imagine kissing him, touching him, and the way his hands would feel on my skin. The mere idea of his lips on mine set my head spinning and my heart pounding.
“You keep telling yourself that,” Ellie said. “But I know better. I know how it feels to want someone that much when you think they don’t want you too. It hurts every single second.”
“I’m not the same as you. I don’t feel that way.”
I didn’t. Not as intensely, anyway. Jason had been with me a lot of the time, so I never felt the disconnection Ellie had once felt from Drew. And Drew was a lot different to Jason. Jason didn’t hide his feelings; he was openly affectionate and sweet. Drew had learned to be openly affectionate, but it wasn’t natural to him. He opened up once he knew Ellie loved him too, but he would never have given it up if she hadn’t made the first move. Their situation was not my situation.
“Maybe not. But you feel something, and that’s dangerous.”
“I can’t talk about this with you.”
I didn’t mean to be so blunt, but I didn’t want to spend another second discussing my potential heartbreak. I was trying to have the holiday of a lifetime, to experience amazing things, and to live in the moment. This was the equivalent of a large black cloud over my good time, and I wanted it gone. I wanted a strong breeze to blow it away and bring back my sunshine.
“I love you, Ellie, and I appreciate your concern. I promise I won’t forget the things you’ve said but this conversation is over.”
Turning on my heel, I walked back through to the restaurant and re-joined the rest of the band. As I took my seat beside Jason, I shuffled my chair slightly away from him, hoping he wouldn’t notice. Damn Ellie and Drew for making this awkward.
Why did they have to do that? Why did they have to interfere in something that hadn’t been a problem until they made it one?
“What’s up, Luce?”
All I could do was shake my head since Ellie and Drew were walking towards us, both of them looking less than happy and a tad guilty. So they bloody should. Because of them I didn’t feel comfortable talking to Jason anymore. Not while they were around, anyway. I couldn’t even bring myself to look at him. Instead, I picked at the remains of my cheesecake, pushing it around with my fork and praying we could leave soon so I could hide away in my bunk to vent my frustration in my journal.
Thankfully, it was less than fifteen minutes before everyone was ready to go, and we began the short walk back to the bus. The whole way I must have been giving off bad vibes because nobody came near me. It wasn’t like I was spitting with anger. If anything, I was kind of sullen. Emo . Not much like myself at all, but since the good parts of the evening had been snatched away by my overprotective sister, I didn’t feel like bouncing around and having my usual easy chatter with the guys.
I was the first onto the bus, and I kicked off my shoes and headed straight to my “room”, closing the curtain and flicking on the light.
I let out a sigh as I stretched out my legs then reached up to the shelf above me for my iPad, headphones, journal and a pen. Once I’d found some mellow music to listen to –
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