have
taken form, and all he wanted was 60% of the royalties.
And
now, once again, I bid my hideous progeny go forth and prosper. Open a tie
shop! Its several pages speak of many a walk, many a drive, and many a takeaway
curry.
I
have changed no portion of this story.
M.W.S.
London, October 15th, 1831
PREFACE
(By
P. B. Shelley, 1818)
This
Preface has absolutely nothing to do with Mary’s book. It is written so I’ll
have a few fingers in the pie when the book starts to sell.
VOLUME ONE
LETTER I
To
Mrs Saville, England
St
Petersburgh, Dec. 11 th , 17-
You
will rejoice to hear that no disaster has accompanied the commencement of an
enterprise which you regarded with such evil forebodings. I did not catch fire
nor was I sucked down in a whirlpool or eaten by a polar bear. Perhaps these
are the things you had in mind for me.
I
am already far north of London and as I walk in the crap-ridden streets of
Petersburgh I feel a cold northern breeze play on my cheeks, which braces my
nerves and warms my swannicles. Do you understand these feelings? If not, feel
yourself in bed tonight. I try in vain to be persuaded that the North Pole is
the seat of God and his angels, tho they must wear warm clothes; it ever
presents itself to my imagination as the region of beauty and delight and
McDonald's. There, Margaret, the sun is very low in the sky, but if you go
upstairs and stand on the chair you will be able to see it although, like my
bank balance, it has almost disappeared. If only my bank balance would rise on
the horizon every morning, oh how happy I would be. However, I have trust in
the preceding navigators. We are preceded by about a dozen in a small boat. One
claims to be Henry of Navarre. I think he's a bloody liar, his name is actually
Dick Smith.
The
snow and frost are banished and we are sailing over a calm sea. We may be
wafted to a land surpassing in wonders and in beauty every region hitherto
discovered on the habitable globe. There is the phenomena of the heavenly
bodies. When I think of heavenly bodies I think of Doris Riter's body of 36
Roseland Road, Catford. What may not be expected in a country of eternal light?
Well, for a start it never gets dark. I may have discovered the wondrous power
which attracts the needle. I may go to parts of the world where no human eye
has ever set foot. These are my enticements, to conquer all fear of danger or
death. If the latter should happen, I will stop immediately. I feel the joy a
young boy feels when he embarks in a little boat with his holiday mates on an
expedition of discovery up a native river. If I remember correctly, that is how
Livingston died.
I
shall find the secret of the magnet and I will become admired far and wide [he
speaks well of himself]. I feel an enthusiasm which elevates me to heaven, for
nothing contributes so much to tranquillise the mind as does a steady purpose,
or Valium. It is regret which I had felt as a child on learning that my
father's injunction had forbidden my uncle to allow me to embark on a seafaring
life. Fuck him. I'll do as I please.
I must go down to the sea again
To the lonely sea and the sky
And all I ask is a tall ship
And a star to steet her by.
One
day my name will go down beside Drake's and Nelson's. In fact I believe some
people can't wait for me to join them.
Six
years have passed since I resolved on my present undertaking. (He was an
undertaker as well as a sailor.) I remember how I prepared for this enterprise.
I
stripped naked and covered my body with bear's grease. I accompanied the
whale-fishers on several expeditions to the North Sea, and several times I fell
into it. I voluntarily endured cold, famine, thirst and want of sleep and did
it all in the comfort of my hotel room because I just couldn't keep up with the
sailors.
I
hired myself as a mate on a Greenland whaler and acquitted myself to the
admiration of the crew, except that during the whole voyage I was
taken form, and all he wanted was 60% of the royalties.
And
now, once again, I bid my hideous progeny go forth and prosper. Open a tie
shop! Its several pages speak of many a walk, many a drive, and many a takeaway
curry.
I
have changed no portion of this story.
M.W.S.
London, October 15th, 1831
PREFACE
(By
P. B. Shelley, 1818)
This
Preface has absolutely nothing to do with Mary’s book. It is written so I’ll
have a few fingers in the pie when the book starts to sell.
VOLUME ONE
LETTER I
To
Mrs Saville, England
St
Petersburgh, Dec. 11 th , 17-
You
will rejoice to hear that no disaster has accompanied the commencement of an
enterprise which you regarded with such evil forebodings. I did not catch fire
nor was I sucked down in a whirlpool or eaten by a polar bear. Perhaps these
are the things you had in mind for me.
I
am already far north of London and as I walk in the crap-ridden streets of
Petersburgh I feel a cold northern breeze play on my cheeks, which braces my
nerves and warms my swannicles. Do you understand these feelings? If not, feel
yourself in bed tonight. I try in vain to be persuaded that the North Pole is
the seat of God and his angels, tho they must wear warm clothes; it ever
presents itself to my imagination as the region of beauty and delight and
McDonald's. There, Margaret, the sun is very low in the sky, but if you go
upstairs and stand on the chair you will be able to see it although, like my
bank balance, it has almost disappeared. If only my bank balance would rise on
the horizon every morning, oh how happy I would be. However, I have trust in
the preceding navigators. We are preceded by about a dozen in a small boat. One
claims to be Henry of Navarre. I think he's a bloody liar, his name is actually
Dick Smith.
The
snow and frost are banished and we are sailing over a calm sea. We may be
wafted to a land surpassing in wonders and in beauty every region hitherto
discovered on the habitable globe. There is the phenomena of the heavenly
bodies. When I think of heavenly bodies I think of Doris Riter's body of 36
Roseland Road, Catford. What may not be expected in a country of eternal light?
Well, for a start it never gets dark. I may have discovered the wondrous power
which attracts the needle. I may go to parts of the world where no human eye
has ever set foot. These are my enticements, to conquer all fear of danger or
death. If the latter should happen, I will stop immediately. I feel the joy a
young boy feels when he embarks in a little boat with his holiday mates on an
expedition of discovery up a native river. If I remember correctly, that is how
Livingston died.
I
shall find the secret of the magnet and I will become admired far and wide [he
speaks well of himself]. I feel an enthusiasm which elevates me to heaven, for
nothing contributes so much to tranquillise the mind as does a steady purpose,
or Valium. It is regret which I had felt as a child on learning that my
father's injunction had forbidden my uncle to allow me to embark on a seafaring
life. Fuck him. I'll do as I please.
I must go down to the sea again
To the lonely sea and the sky
And all I ask is a tall ship
And a star to steet her by.
One
day my name will go down beside Drake's and Nelson's. In fact I believe some
people can't wait for me to join them.
Six
years have passed since I resolved on my present undertaking. (He was an
undertaker as well as a sailor.) I remember how I prepared for this enterprise.
I
stripped naked and covered my body with bear's grease. I accompanied the
whale-fishers on several expeditions to the North Sea, and several times I fell
into it. I voluntarily endured cold, famine, thirst and want of sleep and did
it all in the comfort of my hotel room because I just couldn't keep up with the
sailors.
I
hired myself as a mate on a Greenland whaler and acquitted myself to the
admiration of the crew, except that during the whole voyage I was
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