did
he
want?’
Poppet looked miffed. ‘I wish you wouldn’t call him that.’
Pencil Dick Pete was an ex of Poppet’s, who had famously dumped her to allegedly concentrate on his accountancy exams. His nickname had come from a ‘length versus girth’ conversation the three girls had been having one night, when Poppet had let slip that Pete’s willy reminded her of the HB pencils she used to use in school. Nic, who wasn’t Pete’s biggest fan anyway, had called him Pencil Dick Pete ever since.
‘What did he want?’ she asked Poppet.
‘He just wanted to meet up for a drink. As friends,’ she added.
This time Nic rolled her eyes. Pencil Dick Pete would resurface every few months or so. It was always the same: he would send Poppet a text out of the blue, asking if she wanted to meet for a drink. Poppet would always end up going along, whereupon Pencil Dick Pete would get her drunk on white wine and try to get her into bed. Poppet would refuse, because she was an old-fashioned girl with morals, and Pencil Dick Pete would say he respected her morals and would promise to take her out for dinner instead, which he never did. Poppet would be left hanging for ages, and then just when she’d got him out of her head the whole sorry saga would be repeated again.
‘Are you going to meet up with him?’ Lizzy asked.
‘Of course not,’ Poppet said, not very convincingly. ‘Look, I know you two don’t like him, but if you just got to know him …’
Nic interrupted her. ‘I did get to know him. He’s a complete tool.’
Poppet gave a winsome sigh. ‘I just know how good we were together.’
‘It’s been
two years
,’ Nic and Lizzy said in unison.
Poppet was wearing a wounded expression. ‘We might not have been together that long but it was really special!’
‘Pops,’ Nic said patiently. ‘We’ve been through all this.’
‘He’s just really busy with work …’
‘He’s always busy with work. Or has bad sinuses, or is away on family holidays, or whatever bullshit he feeds you.’
Poppet’s eyes widened. ‘You think he
lied
about spending last summer in Qatar with his uncle?’
‘I’m saying if a man is genuinely interested in a woman, he will chase her to the ends of the earth to be with her. If Pencil Dick Pete wanted to be in a relationship with you, he’d be in a relationship with you.’ Nic shook her head. ‘He’s just stringing you along,
chiquita
!’
‘Nic’s got a point, Pops,’ Lizzy said more delicately. ‘And he doesn’t even really look that much like Matt Damon.’
Poppet looked dismayed. ‘Do you not think?’
‘Well, he’s got hair,’ Lizzy said. ‘And a head and a mouth and a pair of eyes and a nose, so I suppose they’ve got those things in common.’
‘Oh,’ Poppet said faintly. ‘Oh right.’
The other two studied her. ‘Are you going to start crying?’ Nic asked.
‘No, it’s just a bit of a … a bit of a shock.’ She stared at the coffee table. ‘So he definitely doesn’t want to be with me?’
‘I don’t think you really want to be with him either,’ Lizzy said, encouragingly. ‘You just haven’t met anyone you’ve really fancied since.’
‘Well, screw him! And his pencil dick.’ Poppet’s chin had set determinedly. ‘I’m not anyone’s booty call.’
Nic gave her a wink. ‘That’s my girl.’
‘Ooh good, I feel all empowered now.’ She turned to Lizzy. ‘What about you?’
Lizzy swallowed her mouthful of wine. ‘What about me?’
‘Have you had any more dating action?’
Lizzy hesitated. Despite her declaration that she was swearing off online dating after Toby, she’d found herself going back on for a nose around whenever her bus was delayed, which was pretty frequently. ‘Actually there is this one who’s just “liked” me,’ she admitted.
She got her phone out and showed them
Blue_Skies
’ profile. Poppet gave an excited squeak. ‘He is total eye sex!’
Nic grabbed Lizzy’s phone. ‘He
is
hot.
he
want?’
Poppet looked miffed. ‘I wish you wouldn’t call him that.’
Pencil Dick Pete was an ex of Poppet’s, who had famously dumped her to allegedly concentrate on his accountancy exams. His nickname had come from a ‘length versus girth’ conversation the three girls had been having one night, when Poppet had let slip that Pete’s willy reminded her of the HB pencils she used to use in school. Nic, who wasn’t Pete’s biggest fan anyway, had called him Pencil Dick Pete ever since.
‘What did he want?’ she asked Poppet.
‘He just wanted to meet up for a drink. As friends,’ she added.
This time Nic rolled her eyes. Pencil Dick Pete would resurface every few months or so. It was always the same: he would send Poppet a text out of the blue, asking if she wanted to meet for a drink. Poppet would always end up going along, whereupon Pencil Dick Pete would get her drunk on white wine and try to get her into bed. Poppet would refuse, because she was an old-fashioned girl with morals, and Pencil Dick Pete would say he respected her morals and would promise to take her out for dinner instead, which he never did. Poppet would be left hanging for ages, and then just when she’d got him out of her head the whole sorry saga would be repeated again.
‘Are you going to meet up with him?’ Lizzy asked.
‘Of course not,’ Poppet said, not very convincingly. ‘Look, I know you two don’t like him, but if you just got to know him …’
Nic interrupted her. ‘I did get to know him. He’s a complete tool.’
Poppet gave a winsome sigh. ‘I just know how good we were together.’
‘It’s been
two years
,’ Nic and Lizzy said in unison.
Poppet was wearing a wounded expression. ‘We might not have been together that long but it was really special!’
‘Pops,’ Nic said patiently. ‘We’ve been through all this.’
‘He’s just really busy with work …’
‘He’s always busy with work. Or has bad sinuses, or is away on family holidays, or whatever bullshit he feeds you.’
Poppet’s eyes widened. ‘You think he
lied
about spending last summer in Qatar with his uncle?’
‘I’m saying if a man is genuinely interested in a woman, he will chase her to the ends of the earth to be with her. If Pencil Dick Pete wanted to be in a relationship with you, he’d be in a relationship with you.’ Nic shook her head. ‘He’s just stringing you along,
chiquita
!’
‘Nic’s got a point, Pops,’ Lizzy said more delicately. ‘And he doesn’t even really look that much like Matt Damon.’
Poppet looked dismayed. ‘Do you not think?’
‘Well, he’s got hair,’ Lizzy said. ‘And a head and a mouth and a pair of eyes and a nose, so I suppose they’ve got those things in common.’
‘Oh,’ Poppet said faintly. ‘Oh right.’
The other two studied her. ‘Are you going to start crying?’ Nic asked.
‘No, it’s just a bit of a … a bit of a shock.’ She stared at the coffee table. ‘So he definitely doesn’t want to be with me?’
‘I don’t think you really want to be with him either,’ Lizzy said, encouragingly. ‘You just haven’t met anyone you’ve really fancied since.’
‘Well, screw him! And his pencil dick.’ Poppet’s chin had set determinedly. ‘I’m not anyone’s booty call.’
Nic gave her a wink. ‘That’s my girl.’
‘Ooh good, I feel all empowered now.’ She turned to Lizzy. ‘What about you?’
Lizzy swallowed her mouthful of wine. ‘What about me?’
‘Have you had any more dating action?’
Lizzy hesitated. Despite her declaration that she was swearing off online dating after Toby, she’d found herself going back on for a nose around whenever her bus was delayed, which was pretty frequently. ‘Actually there is this one who’s just “liked” me,’ she admitted.
She got her phone out and showed them
Blue_Skies
’ profile. Poppet gave an excited squeak. ‘He is total eye sex!’
Nic grabbed Lizzy’s phone. ‘He
is
hot.
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