away but it's getting closer and very vivid. A young man comes into my view and I can’t resist him. He has a comforting smile, not malicious or threatening. I rest my head back down on my pillow and decide to let this one in, relieved at least that it isn't a woman named Marisa bleeding in front of me this time.
The boy looks tall, solid and muscular even. He has very short, sandy blonde hair. I can only see his side profile. I call him a boy because he looks younger then me. His chin is clean shaven, his skin tanned like he's spent the summer outside and his clothes seem to hang off him a little, as though that is the look he was going for. He reminds me of some boys from high school I used to know. Suddenly he laughs, his sound rumbles through me. I’m startled by the familiarity of it. Unable to take my eyes from him, I don’t even dare blink, I watch as he opens a bag of food. I gather it is take out and he's offering it to me. I can't see his eyes under the brim of the hat he put on. I need to see those eyes. His smile turns serious as though he's deeply concerned that I'm not taking his offering.
"You have to eat Eden. You have to survive this, please, for me at least, eat," he begs. I know his voice, I know that accent, it is too unique to go unnoticed.
“ Please, let me see your eyes,” I whisper. Just as he's about to tilt his head for me my cell phone buzzes and the memory vanishes. With shaking fingers I reach for my cell, sighing at the interruption until I see it's from Jude.
Him: I'll be at your suite soon my beautiful girl. Be waiting.
Always with the commands, he knows I'll be waiting for him. He's ruined me for all others. He has haunted my dreams and now my visions are of him. I can't not think about him. From this day forward I will always be waiting for him. Just the thought that he's almost here with me, makes me feel safer, happier and whole again. So many feelings swirl through my head when he's around. It almost seems as though he's bringing me to life. My mother and sister have always told me that I don't react enough, I don't laugh sincerely. I don't cry at sad movies. I have never fallen in love, my heart has never been broken and a kiss from a boy has never made my heart flutter. I didn't beam with excitement when I was accepted to Harvard, I just said good and shrugged like it was nothing, like I hadn't worked my ass off for the past four years of my life to get in.
I had overheard my father talking to my doctor once after an appointment. He had told him that he believed one of the side effects of the medications I was on would subdue my emotions. He wanted to warn my father that it is best I don't become too excited or worked up over anything. I wonder if the medications have affected me more than I thought.
I glance back down at the text and realize that this is the first time in my life that I have ever been nervous, excited, sad, extremely happy and insanely orgasmic, all with Jude and without my meds. I text him back.
Me: I'm waiting.
I reply, feeling afraid, another new emotion for me. I stand up, walking towards the big window and look out from the sixth floor of my room again. The building is old, seeing as it is in the Latin Quarter. There is an elevator though, which is good. If I need to make an escape there are two possibilities now. Escape, why am I thinking of escaping? I don't want to escape from Jude. I'm not frightened of Jude, just my feelings for him. But something or someone else is frightening me. It's probably just my reactions to the nightmares I've been having.
I sent a text to my parents earlier to tell them I've arrived in Paris and the first thing my father responds with is, 'Have you been taking your medication as prescribed?' I can't help but wonder why he's asking me this. Did he find the full bottles in my closet? I wouldn't put it past him.
I tighten my robe around me again. I know Jude will demand I get naked but until he’s here
The boy looks tall, solid and muscular even. He has very short, sandy blonde hair. I can only see his side profile. I call him a boy because he looks younger then me. His chin is clean shaven, his skin tanned like he's spent the summer outside and his clothes seem to hang off him a little, as though that is the look he was going for. He reminds me of some boys from high school I used to know. Suddenly he laughs, his sound rumbles through me. I’m startled by the familiarity of it. Unable to take my eyes from him, I don’t even dare blink, I watch as he opens a bag of food. I gather it is take out and he's offering it to me. I can't see his eyes under the brim of the hat he put on. I need to see those eyes. His smile turns serious as though he's deeply concerned that I'm not taking his offering.
"You have to eat Eden. You have to survive this, please, for me at least, eat," he begs. I know his voice, I know that accent, it is too unique to go unnoticed.
“ Please, let me see your eyes,” I whisper. Just as he's about to tilt his head for me my cell phone buzzes and the memory vanishes. With shaking fingers I reach for my cell, sighing at the interruption until I see it's from Jude.
Him: I'll be at your suite soon my beautiful girl. Be waiting.
Always with the commands, he knows I'll be waiting for him. He's ruined me for all others. He has haunted my dreams and now my visions are of him. I can't not think about him. From this day forward I will always be waiting for him. Just the thought that he's almost here with me, makes me feel safer, happier and whole again. So many feelings swirl through my head when he's around. It almost seems as though he's bringing me to life. My mother and sister have always told me that I don't react enough, I don't laugh sincerely. I don't cry at sad movies. I have never fallen in love, my heart has never been broken and a kiss from a boy has never made my heart flutter. I didn't beam with excitement when I was accepted to Harvard, I just said good and shrugged like it was nothing, like I hadn't worked my ass off for the past four years of my life to get in.
I had overheard my father talking to my doctor once after an appointment. He had told him that he believed one of the side effects of the medications I was on would subdue my emotions. He wanted to warn my father that it is best I don't become too excited or worked up over anything. I wonder if the medications have affected me more than I thought.
I glance back down at the text and realize that this is the first time in my life that I have ever been nervous, excited, sad, extremely happy and insanely orgasmic, all with Jude and without my meds. I text him back.
Me: I'm waiting.
I reply, feeling afraid, another new emotion for me. I stand up, walking towards the big window and look out from the sixth floor of my room again. The building is old, seeing as it is in the Latin Quarter. There is an elevator though, which is good. If I need to make an escape there are two possibilities now. Escape, why am I thinking of escaping? I don't want to escape from Jude. I'm not frightened of Jude, just my feelings for him. But something or someone else is frightening me. It's probably just my reactions to the nightmares I've been having.
I sent a text to my parents earlier to tell them I've arrived in Paris and the first thing my father responds with is, 'Have you been taking your medication as prescribed?' I can't help but wonder why he's asking me this. Did he find the full bottles in my closet? I wouldn't put it past him.
I tighten my robe around me again. I know Jude will demand I get naked but until he’s here
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