my cabin yet."
Before he can begin leading me deeper into the valley, I catch his hand in both of mine. "Soren." My voice stops him, and he turns to look back at me. "You're not going to leave this place, are you?"
He sighs and looks down. "It's my duty to protect Iminyë."
I nod. I can't bring myself to ask any more clearly than that what's in my heart. "This valley is a good three days' hike from Honeycomb Falls."
Soren steps in closer, and I can see the pain in his eyes. He's been thinking about that too. The distance that will separate us. "You'll give me reason to visit town more often."
I nod, a knot in my throat. I'm ruining the moment, ruining everything by asking, but I have to. I have to know. "How often will that be?"
A deep sigh. "Not often enough."
Something flutters within my heart and goes still. Maybe it's the unparalleled happiness I just felt that forced me to face the truth. That this is temporary. That Soren won't be mine. That I won't be his. That what we're experiencing here is an escape, a flight of fantasy, a moment of pleasure and joy that cannot last. All day I held his hand and pretended that we were together. That what we felt was true and would last, would conquer all obstacles. That the natural, easy happiness I felt with him would last forever. But no. His duty is to this magical place. And I find that I can't fault him. I can't ask him to sacrifice this little slice of paradise just to be with me. I can't ask him to abandon Iminyë.
"Come," he says, pulling me gently to follow him. "Tomorrow I'll lead you back to town. But we still have tonight."
Sadness and pain make my desire all the more intense. I squeeze his hand in my own and give him my bravest smile. "Yes. We still have tonight." Though part of me wants to stay away from him. To protect my heart. To make the pain that is sure to follow less devastating, when I leave him behind and return to town alone. But I know I won't. If this is to be my one moment of true happiness, then I will drink my fill, and drink deep. I'll savor every moment I have with him, in this impossibly beautiful place, so that down the years to come I'll be able to think back and remember that I was once truly and utterly and totally happy with a man I could have come to love.
Chapter 11
Soren escorts me to the edge of Honeycomb Falls before drawing up short. It's late afternoon. It's taken us four days to hike back, four days of slow strolling, holding hands, and rampant, mind-blowing sex. The closer we've come to town, the slower we've gone, with this final afternoon taking us forever to cover the final mile. I'm sore in all kinds of new places, while my legs are feeling stronger than ever. My mind is starry with memories of lovemaking on the banks of streams, against trees, in the warm sunlight, under the cool light of the stars and moon. Holding Soren's hand as Honeycomb Falls' church steeple slips into view over the last stretch of trees, I feel an anguished denial arise within me. It can't be over. It can't.
There's one thing we agreed on last night. That when this moment came, we wouldn't stand around awkwardly for an hour, hugging and kissing and saying our torturous goodbyes. We'd hug, hug really tight, and then simply go our separate ways. And the next time Soren was in town, whether that was in three months or six? He'd stop by to say hello, and we'd see where we were then.
So when we reach the center of the little glade, I turn to him, and before I can speak I feel his strong arms wrap around me. I'm enveloped in his familiar smell. I can't believe this is happening. I pull back to look up into his eyes, and I see stars swimming in their chocolate depths, see a wealth of emotion and pain and sadness that tugs on my own despair. How can I have just met the perfect man, only to have no choice but to say goodbye? Again my mind races, trying to find a solution, but he can't abandon Iminyë, and I can't abandon my father.
Before he can begin leading me deeper into the valley, I catch his hand in both of mine. "Soren." My voice stops him, and he turns to look back at me. "You're not going to leave this place, are you?"
He sighs and looks down. "It's my duty to protect Iminyë."
I nod. I can't bring myself to ask any more clearly than that what's in my heart. "This valley is a good three days' hike from Honeycomb Falls."
Soren steps in closer, and I can see the pain in his eyes. He's been thinking about that too. The distance that will separate us. "You'll give me reason to visit town more often."
I nod, a knot in my throat. I'm ruining the moment, ruining everything by asking, but I have to. I have to know. "How often will that be?"
A deep sigh. "Not often enough."
Something flutters within my heart and goes still. Maybe it's the unparalleled happiness I just felt that forced me to face the truth. That this is temporary. That Soren won't be mine. That I won't be his. That what we're experiencing here is an escape, a flight of fantasy, a moment of pleasure and joy that cannot last. All day I held his hand and pretended that we were together. That what we felt was true and would last, would conquer all obstacles. That the natural, easy happiness I felt with him would last forever. But no. His duty is to this magical place. And I find that I can't fault him. I can't ask him to sacrifice this little slice of paradise just to be with me. I can't ask him to abandon Iminyë.
"Come," he says, pulling me gently to follow him. "Tomorrow I'll lead you back to town. But we still have tonight."
Sadness and pain make my desire all the more intense. I squeeze his hand in my own and give him my bravest smile. "Yes. We still have tonight." Though part of me wants to stay away from him. To protect my heart. To make the pain that is sure to follow less devastating, when I leave him behind and return to town alone. But I know I won't. If this is to be my one moment of true happiness, then I will drink my fill, and drink deep. I'll savor every moment I have with him, in this impossibly beautiful place, so that down the years to come I'll be able to think back and remember that I was once truly and utterly and totally happy with a man I could have come to love.
Chapter 11
Soren escorts me to the edge of Honeycomb Falls before drawing up short. It's late afternoon. It's taken us four days to hike back, four days of slow strolling, holding hands, and rampant, mind-blowing sex. The closer we've come to town, the slower we've gone, with this final afternoon taking us forever to cover the final mile. I'm sore in all kinds of new places, while my legs are feeling stronger than ever. My mind is starry with memories of lovemaking on the banks of streams, against trees, in the warm sunlight, under the cool light of the stars and moon. Holding Soren's hand as Honeycomb Falls' church steeple slips into view over the last stretch of trees, I feel an anguished denial arise within me. It can't be over. It can't.
There's one thing we agreed on last night. That when this moment came, we wouldn't stand around awkwardly for an hour, hugging and kissing and saying our torturous goodbyes. We'd hug, hug really tight, and then simply go our separate ways. And the next time Soren was in town, whether that was in three months or six? He'd stop by to say hello, and we'd see where we were then.
So when we reach the center of the little glade, I turn to him, and before I can speak I feel his strong arms wrap around me. I'm enveloped in his familiar smell. I can't believe this is happening. I pull back to look up into his eyes, and I see stars swimming in their chocolate depths, see a wealth of emotion and pain and sadness that tugs on my own despair. How can I have just met the perfect man, only to have no choice but to say goodbye? Again my mind races, trying to find a solution, but he can't abandon Iminyë, and I can't abandon my father.
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