worked out, tried new hair, new clothes. I had even gone so far as to get Botox. The only conclusion I came to after a few months of being refused in the skimpiest of lingerie was FUCK HIM. FUCK HIM. I had tried to make my marriage work. He was more interested in seeing it fail. Our relationship was too far gone from what it used to be. There was no trust, and definitely no lingering love. I had spent hours crying over him, now I just wanted my freedom. And freedom was becoming more important than comfort. I had to get out of this and soon.
I sipped my wine, thinking how completely unsatisfying it all was. I had waited until the age of twenty-nine to get married. It seemed the sensible thing to do after a few months of dating Alex. I couldn’t even remember the last time we had made love or fucked. My last attempt to keep the home fires burning had failed miserably.
“We aren’t a couple of fucking horny teenagers living out a fantasy, Vi. We aren’t making a porno, and what the hell are you wearing?”
I gave up that day, throwing every single negligee I owned away and burying any remaining hope. Sex with Alex was never exactly hot. It had been enough because I had honestly loved him.
Drinking the last of my glass, I poured myself another. Sex, now there was something I was tired of living without. I had my trusty toy. God, how I loved that thing. Battery maintenance promised endless minutes of pleasure. The thought alone had me wanting to reach for it.
I was thirty-two years old, sitting in a big, beautifully decorated house, imagining the next session with my vibrator. I heard the shatter of the wine glass before I realized I was the one who had thrown it in anger.
This is not my life! This is not who I am. This shit…this waiting, much like my marriage, was over!
Things were about to change and change today. First, I had to come up with a plan.
Sex, or lack thereof, was what set me off in the kitchen. I missed it. I wanted it. I needed it, but why? I’d never really had sex like most adults. Well, those adults who I envied, which included pretty much anyone who was having their needs met at this point. I abstained from having my own affair because, for a short time, I held out hope. Now that my mind was made up on divorce, I no longer had to justify my reasoning. Sex was a necessity for me. I had waited long enough. My body was starving for touch, my lips bankrupt from a lack of kisses. While a relationship didn’t appeal to me, at least not immediately, the thought of a good hard fuck made me insane with want. Not that I’d ever been satisfied sexually.
My experience consisted mainly of missionary, with a few sporadic moments here and there in various positions. Alex was not well endowed and had by no means made up for it throughout our years together. I wondered what it was like to be with a man with a big cock. I moaned at the thought, never once having an orgasm from a man’s dick. My girlfriend Molly told me that without a vibrator I may never have one. She insisted girls who came with men inside them were either porn stars with amazing acting skills or had been divinely gifted in that department. It was a myth to me, an orgasm from a man’s cock. I’d had fantasies for years about the possibilities of sex. All of it interested me, especially the kink. Alex would look at me as though I was insane when I suggested anything out of our norm. I would get hot and bothered reading all of my dark erotic romances and begged him to try some scenarios with me. Looking back now, I can kind of see his point on why that might seem a little strange. It just wasn’t realistic.
Do these people really exist, the people that explore the forbidden? Of course they do, but where were they? Certainly not on the outskirts of Savannah, GA. I laughed at the thought. I’d do good to find a decent looking, well hung, hardworking man in this area period, let alone one that would explore my sexuality with me. Then again,
I sipped my wine, thinking how completely unsatisfying it all was. I had waited until the age of twenty-nine to get married. It seemed the sensible thing to do after a few months of dating Alex. I couldn’t even remember the last time we had made love or fucked. My last attempt to keep the home fires burning had failed miserably.
“We aren’t a couple of fucking horny teenagers living out a fantasy, Vi. We aren’t making a porno, and what the hell are you wearing?”
I gave up that day, throwing every single negligee I owned away and burying any remaining hope. Sex with Alex was never exactly hot. It had been enough because I had honestly loved him.
Drinking the last of my glass, I poured myself another. Sex, now there was something I was tired of living without. I had my trusty toy. God, how I loved that thing. Battery maintenance promised endless minutes of pleasure. The thought alone had me wanting to reach for it.
I was thirty-two years old, sitting in a big, beautifully decorated house, imagining the next session with my vibrator. I heard the shatter of the wine glass before I realized I was the one who had thrown it in anger.
This is not my life! This is not who I am. This shit…this waiting, much like my marriage, was over!
Things were about to change and change today. First, I had to come up with a plan.
Sex, or lack thereof, was what set me off in the kitchen. I missed it. I wanted it. I needed it, but why? I’d never really had sex like most adults. Well, those adults who I envied, which included pretty much anyone who was having their needs met at this point. I abstained from having my own affair because, for a short time, I held out hope. Now that my mind was made up on divorce, I no longer had to justify my reasoning. Sex was a necessity for me. I had waited long enough. My body was starving for touch, my lips bankrupt from a lack of kisses. While a relationship didn’t appeal to me, at least not immediately, the thought of a good hard fuck made me insane with want. Not that I’d ever been satisfied sexually.
My experience consisted mainly of missionary, with a few sporadic moments here and there in various positions. Alex was not well endowed and had by no means made up for it throughout our years together. I wondered what it was like to be with a man with a big cock. I moaned at the thought, never once having an orgasm from a man’s dick. My girlfriend Molly told me that without a vibrator I may never have one. She insisted girls who came with men inside them were either porn stars with amazing acting skills or had been divinely gifted in that department. It was a myth to me, an orgasm from a man’s cock. I’d had fantasies for years about the possibilities of sex. All of it interested me, especially the kink. Alex would look at me as though I was insane when I suggested anything out of our norm. I would get hot and bothered reading all of my dark erotic romances and begged him to try some scenarios with me. Looking back now, I can kind of see his point on why that might seem a little strange. It just wasn’t realistic.
Do these people really exist, the people that explore the forbidden? Of course they do, but where were they? Certainly not on the outskirts of Savannah, GA. I laughed at the thought. I’d do good to find a decent looking, well hung, hardworking man in this area period, let alone one that would explore my sexuality with me. Then again,
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