couple of times as tears threatened again. Here I was, madly in love with the dumbass, and he was so worried about his temper he didn’t want me around? It made no fucking sense.
“Hon, that makes no fucking sense.”
I snorted as Elle spoke my thoughts. “Tell me about it.”
“Have you tried talking to him today?”
I nodded but couldn’t bring myself to look her in the eye. It was humiliating how many times I had called Sean’s cell phone, only to be directed to voicemail after one ring.
“I thought about going over to his house but I can’t handle him pushing me away again. God, Elle, things were so good on Saturday. I really thought we had it figured out.”
She nodded sympathetically and rubbed my shoulder.
“So what are you going to do now?” she asked.
I sighed and gave a halfhearted shrug. What could I do? The man of my dreams was giving me nightmares and I was more than sick of his rejections. We had made such progress but were now beyond square one into the negatives and I didn’t have the energy to try anymore.
“Maybe…maybe you should just let him be for now. You know? Maybe time apart will be a good thing.”
I closed my eyes and sighed again. I’d thought the exact same thing at some point during my long, sleepless night. I wasn’t sure if it was a good plan or not but I really didn’t have any other.
Elle and I had breakfast together and then it was time for me to go to work. I hugged her goodbye, only a little envious that her man would be meeting her for lunch.
* * * * *
At three o’clock my eyes jumped to the door every time it opened. I didn’t honestly expect Sean to walk in, but that bitch hope lingered in my chest anyway. By five it was obvious he wasn’t coming and I prepared to clock out.
“Hey, Nettle. You okay?”
I looked up to find Ben and Ryan watching me. They had been hovering all day, though I hadn’t realized it until then.
“Um, yeah. I’m good.”
Ryan nodded but Ben frowned. “You sure? We can talk over dinner if you want.”
My chest ached. Ben was always so sweet to me but there just wasn’t a spark between us. I had broken that news to him months ago and he had stopped asking me out.
“I appreciate it but I think I’m just going to head home.”
He nodded but didn’t flash his usual grin. I felt both men watching me as I walked out the door.
The drive home passed in a blur and I barely stopped myself from driving past Sean’s house. What good would it do? With my luck he would be outside and see my pathetic act. No. I had to stick to my guns. If he didn’t think our relationship was important enough to work past his issues then what the hell could I do? I considered all the chick lit I’d read where the empowered female stuck to her guns to fight for her man. Yeah, it looked great on paper. What the hell should I do when all the fight was drained out of me? It had started out as a fun game. I liked Sean and knew he was attracted to me. Getting him was almost a challenge. Then my stupid heart had to get involved. I was head-over-heels in love with the asshole and he had just trampled on my soul. I didn’t have the energy for another round.
My empty house was no more welcoming than it had been the night before. I left the lights out as I walked through the familiar landscape and found my bed. Sleep came more easily this time.
* * * * *
The days started passing more quickly and soon a week had gone by. Sean still hadn’t returned to the gym and Ben let it slip that Sean had finished out his contract.
“What?” I asked.
Ben froze in the act of stacking towels and glanced at me over his shoulder. He shrugged and went back to the towels as if he hadn’t just shattered my world.
“Uh, yeah. Ryan told me Sean’s contract ended two days ago and he called saying he didn’t want to renew. Uh…I thought you knew.”
Pain in my gut nearly doubled me over but I fought to hide it. I swiveled in my chair to face my computer so
“Hon, that makes no fucking sense.”
I snorted as Elle spoke my thoughts. “Tell me about it.”
“Have you tried talking to him today?”
I nodded but couldn’t bring myself to look her in the eye. It was humiliating how many times I had called Sean’s cell phone, only to be directed to voicemail after one ring.
“I thought about going over to his house but I can’t handle him pushing me away again. God, Elle, things were so good on Saturday. I really thought we had it figured out.”
She nodded sympathetically and rubbed my shoulder.
“So what are you going to do now?” she asked.
I sighed and gave a halfhearted shrug. What could I do? The man of my dreams was giving me nightmares and I was more than sick of his rejections. We had made such progress but were now beyond square one into the negatives and I didn’t have the energy to try anymore.
“Maybe…maybe you should just let him be for now. You know? Maybe time apart will be a good thing.”
I closed my eyes and sighed again. I’d thought the exact same thing at some point during my long, sleepless night. I wasn’t sure if it was a good plan or not but I really didn’t have any other.
Elle and I had breakfast together and then it was time for me to go to work. I hugged her goodbye, only a little envious that her man would be meeting her for lunch.
* * * * *
At three o’clock my eyes jumped to the door every time it opened. I didn’t honestly expect Sean to walk in, but that bitch hope lingered in my chest anyway. By five it was obvious he wasn’t coming and I prepared to clock out.
“Hey, Nettle. You okay?”
I looked up to find Ben and Ryan watching me. They had been hovering all day, though I hadn’t realized it until then.
“Um, yeah. I’m good.”
Ryan nodded but Ben frowned. “You sure? We can talk over dinner if you want.”
My chest ached. Ben was always so sweet to me but there just wasn’t a spark between us. I had broken that news to him months ago and he had stopped asking me out.
“I appreciate it but I think I’m just going to head home.”
He nodded but didn’t flash his usual grin. I felt both men watching me as I walked out the door.
The drive home passed in a blur and I barely stopped myself from driving past Sean’s house. What good would it do? With my luck he would be outside and see my pathetic act. No. I had to stick to my guns. If he didn’t think our relationship was important enough to work past his issues then what the hell could I do? I considered all the chick lit I’d read where the empowered female stuck to her guns to fight for her man. Yeah, it looked great on paper. What the hell should I do when all the fight was drained out of me? It had started out as a fun game. I liked Sean and knew he was attracted to me. Getting him was almost a challenge. Then my stupid heart had to get involved. I was head-over-heels in love with the asshole and he had just trampled on my soul. I didn’t have the energy for another round.
My empty house was no more welcoming than it had been the night before. I left the lights out as I walked through the familiar landscape and found my bed. Sleep came more easily this time.
* * * * *
The days started passing more quickly and soon a week had gone by. Sean still hadn’t returned to the gym and Ben let it slip that Sean had finished out his contract.
“What?” I asked.
Ben froze in the act of stacking towels and glanced at me over his shoulder. He shrugged and went back to the towels as if he hadn’t just shattered my world.
“Uh, yeah. Ryan told me Sean’s contract ended two days ago and he called saying he didn’t want to renew. Uh…I thought you knew.”
Pain in my gut nearly doubled me over but I fought to hide it. I swiveled in my chair to face my computer so
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