this time? I’m not going to throw it away. So whether you feel the same, or you don’t, at least I know. At least I’ve tried. I’ve been honest. I’ve laid it all out there. I won’t have to be left wondering ‘what if’ because I’ll know.”
She was blinking away tears again. She refused to let them fall. Even after all they’d been through, she’d never allowed herself to cry in front of him. She didn’t want to start now. Instead she said, “I wish you would’ve told me that night at Shady’s. The nigh t you found out I was engaged. When you asked me to take a walk with you…It would’ve saved so much time. Why didn’t you just tell me that night?”
She didn’t want to admit to him that she’d thought he was going to. At the time, she’d thought that was the reason he was requesting a minute alone with her. She would never admit to anyone that had he asked her that night to call of the engagement, she would have.
Jesse blew out a breath. “You seemed happy with him. You never seemed happy with me. I just wanted you to be happy. If I couldn’t give that to you, and someone else could, I wasn’t going to take that away.” He paused, his eyes searching hers and she felt as if he were trying to excavate some form of truth and understanding. “ Why weren’t you ever happy with me?”
“I was never happy because I never thought you wanted me. That’s all it would’ve taken. For you to tell me that. That’s all I needed to know.” She dug deep inside of herself, searching for a way to return some of the honesty he’d given her. “I’m not the same person I was a few years ago. I’m for sure not the same person I was at fifteen.”
His expression remained serious. “Yeah, well, neither am I. I think you’re a better person than you used to be. And I hope I am too. It’s called growing up. I’m hoping together we’ll both be better.”
“I’m sorry I was so childish.”
“I’m sorry I was such a bastard.”
She let out a small laugh. “So now what?”
“Well,” he said carefully, “I guess what I need to know is whether or not you even want to start anything with me. I’ve never known how you felt about me. And maybe I’m just laying out my heart for nothing. But if there’s any chance at all that you might want what I want, I need to know.”
“I think…I think I might,” she said with a small nod.
“ Then let’s do things right this time. Let me take you out on dates. I’m not talking pepperoni pizza and a pitcher of beer with the game on in the background. I want to date you. Good and proper. If you’ll let me. Will you let me?”
She was too choked up to speak. She simply nodded instead.
“Then I’m setting one ground rule.”
She raised her eyebrows. “A ground rule?”
“No sex. We’ve done this backwards our whole lives and look where it’s gotten us. Let’s do this right. For once and for all, let’s do this right.”
“No sex,” Carly repeated.
“No sex,” he confirmed.
“Ever?”
He laughed at the perplexed expression on her face. “Hell no, I didn’t mean that. I just meant, I don’t know what, exactly. I just want to see where we go. We’ll have sex again when we’re ready.”
Carly cocked an eyebrow at him. She managed to keep her mouth shut. She was tempted to tell Jesse that when she was with him, she was always ready.
“We know how we are with that aspect,” he continued. “I want to find out how we are without it.”
She hesitated, her heart hammering. “What if we’re no good?” Their relationship had always been so physical. She was worried where they would be without that.
“Then we’ll build it until we are,” he said firmly. “I’ve got a lot of years to make up for.”
10
“Carly! Whoa, hey, okay…” Quinn said as Carly stomped past her a few days later. The house shook
She was blinking away tears again. She refused to let them fall. Even after all they’d been through, she’d never allowed herself to cry in front of him. She didn’t want to start now. Instead she said, “I wish you would’ve told me that night at Shady’s. The nigh t you found out I was engaged. When you asked me to take a walk with you…It would’ve saved so much time. Why didn’t you just tell me that night?”
She didn’t want to admit to him that she’d thought he was going to. At the time, she’d thought that was the reason he was requesting a minute alone with her. She would never admit to anyone that had he asked her that night to call of the engagement, she would have.
Jesse blew out a breath. “You seemed happy with him. You never seemed happy with me. I just wanted you to be happy. If I couldn’t give that to you, and someone else could, I wasn’t going to take that away.” He paused, his eyes searching hers and she felt as if he were trying to excavate some form of truth and understanding. “ Why weren’t you ever happy with me?”
“I was never happy because I never thought you wanted me. That’s all it would’ve taken. For you to tell me that. That’s all I needed to know.” She dug deep inside of herself, searching for a way to return some of the honesty he’d given her. “I’m not the same person I was a few years ago. I’m for sure not the same person I was at fifteen.”
His expression remained serious. “Yeah, well, neither am I. I think you’re a better person than you used to be. And I hope I am too. It’s called growing up. I’m hoping together we’ll both be better.”
“I’m sorry I was so childish.”
“I’m sorry I was such a bastard.”
She let out a small laugh. “So now what?”
“Well,” he said carefully, “I guess what I need to know is whether or not you even want to start anything with me. I’ve never known how you felt about me. And maybe I’m just laying out my heart for nothing. But if there’s any chance at all that you might want what I want, I need to know.”
“I think…I think I might,” she said with a small nod.
“ Then let’s do things right this time. Let me take you out on dates. I’m not talking pepperoni pizza and a pitcher of beer with the game on in the background. I want to date you. Good and proper. If you’ll let me. Will you let me?”
She was too choked up to speak. She simply nodded instead.
“Then I’m setting one ground rule.”
She raised her eyebrows. “A ground rule?”
“No sex. We’ve done this backwards our whole lives and look where it’s gotten us. Let’s do this right. For once and for all, let’s do this right.”
“No sex,” Carly repeated.
“No sex,” he confirmed.
“Ever?”
He laughed at the perplexed expression on her face. “Hell no, I didn’t mean that. I just meant, I don’t know what, exactly. I just want to see where we go. We’ll have sex again when we’re ready.”
Carly cocked an eyebrow at him. She managed to keep her mouth shut. She was tempted to tell Jesse that when she was with him, she was always ready.
“We know how we are with that aspect,” he continued. “I want to find out how we are without it.”
She hesitated, her heart hammering. “What if we’re no good?” Their relationship had always been so physical. She was worried where they would be without that.
“Then we’ll build it until we are,” he said firmly. “I’ve got a lot of years to make up for.”
10
“Carly! Whoa, hey, okay…” Quinn said as Carly stomped past her a few days later. The house shook
Similar Books
