A Slave to the Fantasy by Rebecca Lee Page A

sexual aggressive things. This was also known as
women “being natural”. The more natural women you know and the more
emotional you get in relation to them, the more your energy shifts
to powerful around all women.
     
     
    He knew about energy and it’s power from his use of
pornography. He knew that it not only drained him of energy for the
day, it made him fearful and unnatural around the most physically
attractive women. This fear manifested itself in jumpy behavior
with faster talking and most importantly, an inability to create
eye contact with a woman he found sexually desirable.
     
    All these behaviors were happening unconsciously and
were the direct result of him seeing the social creation of beauty:
overdone hair, make-up, skimpy clothing, challenging aggressive
behavior, often in a sexual manner. All these depictions of women
were incorrect because they were unnatural. When emotions were
attributed to them (often the very powerful emotion attached to
sexual energy in the form of masturbation) it reinforced that
incorrect image inside him. His unconscious behavior would thus
weaken in the presence of a sexy real live female.
     
    This theory and related teachings had an instant
audience in Roberts. He knew from experience that he felt weakened
and fearful around women after a morning where he was using porn to
completion. He also knew at other times when he didn't use porn and
maybe had proper rest and a positive experience early in the day,
he felt excited, powerful, and fearless.
     
    There was also another key observation he noted time
and again, a man who was scared or acted scared, or was simply shy,
never had much success with women. This was without regard to how
good looking he was or his job or his car or any of it. On the
other hand, fearless men who were fat or skinny, bald or had messy
hair, or were socially retarded by comparison to many men, still
did very well. It always came down to this “something” about
him.
     
     
    Well this is what it was. This “something” was now
explained in his mind. Roberts was convinced.
     
    This was what attracted Justene to him that groggy
morning in the airport. This was what made him effectively take her
from cold to bed in under three meetings. She was a beautiful girl
for sure.
     
    He remembers asking her the night after they did most
everything but sex (their third meeting), how many guys approached
her in the airports on her journey home when they met. Her answer:
over 20.
     
    This was the life of a physically attractive girl in
western society? Fending off men constantly and having innumerable
choices.
     
    So how does she ultimately choose? There is just
“something” about the one she picks.
     
    Roberts knew from study, what he didn't have
naturally, he surely needed to develop. So he did so in his mind
and in his practice.
     
    Then came Manila.
    …
     
    Other than finally having the money, he didn't really
have an answer for why he was doing this insanely long trip just to
meet one woman.
     
    Well the first thing was it was actually multiple
women. But make no mistake Tanya Carasco was the main attraction.
That's what nearly 4 years of deep emotions invested will do to
you.
     
    When you hang around that long hoping just for any
sort of sign of validation. When you are more or less told outright
by your longtime internet love that she has no interest in being
part of your life. When you know she has been with another man
during the time you pined for her, had a child by him and sensed
from correspondence (where she denied it was a good idea to take
the father to court to get child support) that she was still
longing for a reconciliation with him.
     
    When you keep coming despite all of those things, you
are inarguably obsessed with this girl.
     
    This truth stared him deep in the soul as he got his
rental car instructions for the drive from the Manila airport to
her house to the north. To Roberts it was surprising she would have
him to her