Amy Chelsea Stacie Dee by Mary G. Thompson

beer. Two beers.”
    â€œNobody cares about the beer.”
    â€œSometimes I go back. You know, in my mind. And it’s like for a minute I’m really there and not here.” I think I’m all right now. I can see the street in front of me. Two girls are heading toward us, toward the house. One of them waves at Lee.
    Lee waves back.
    They look at me, then at each other, and then walk faster.
    â€œI shouldn’t have pushed you,” she says. “I just thought you might want to get out, do something normal. Because I guess you couldn’t go to parties, and maybe you wanted to.”
    â€œI couldn’t really want anything,” I say.
    â€œOh.” Lee is crying. She’s trying to hide it, but she wipes a tear away with one hand.
    â€œI don’t know what I’m supposed to want—what Amy is supposed to want. I know I don’t want to be locked in my room, though.” I put my arm around her. “Thank you for making me come out.” A tear rolls down my face, too. I may not be ready for this, but I know I don’t want to be locked up. She was right about that. I never want to be locked up again.
    â€œReally?” She wipes her face again. “I thought I’d just made things worse.”
    â€œReally,” I say. “What happens, going back there, it would happen whether I was here or alone in my room.”
    â€œI guess you’re working with that therapist lady,” Lee says.
    â€œYeah.” Actually, we haven’t even gotten there. Dr. Kayla is still trying to get me to tell her what happened to me and where Dee is. We can’t get to her actually helping me until she finds that out, and I’m never going to tell her. I’m never going to tell anyone, even if it means that I can never forget, that I have to live with the memories my whole life. I don’t want to forget anyway. I want to remember them, every minute of every day.
    Dee would have loved to go to a party. Lee is right about that, too.
    â€œLet’s go back in,” I say.
    Lee eyes me sideways. “Are you sure?”
    â€œI won’t try to have another beer,” I say. I guess Dee probably would have liked to try drinking, but that part of being a teenager will have to wait. Just being in a room with other people is enough weirdness for one night.
    â€œIf you want to leave, just say it,” she says. “Or give me a look. I can see these people any time.”
    â€œOkay,” I say. We stand up and turn back to the house, and Mini Vinnie is sticking his head out the door. He waves at us and grins big. “Okay,” I say again. And I lead the way back through the two smokers into the house.

I END UP with Vinnie’s phone number, scrawled on a piece of paper towel. He said he’d show me his comic books. Which is something that maybe I would have liked back when I was ten, but it’s all right with me. I don’t mind doing kid stuff, especially if it’s going to be with a boy; kid stuff is a lot better.
    I rub my hand over the paper towel as we drive home.
    â€œI hope he didn’t bother you,” Lee says.
    â€œNo, I like him,” I say. “He treated me like I was normal. I mean, everyone was trying to avoid it, but he just brought it up straight out. Like, maybe you don’t know what comic books are because you lived in a cave.” I smile at the memory.
    â€œOh my god,” Lee says. And then she starts talking. She tells me about how the guy Ben who lives in the house used to date a girl named Felicia who wasn’t there. “. . . so Felicia started going out with this
old
guy. His name is
Gordon
andhe goes to college, but he’s old to even be in college. Like, he must be
twenty-five
or something. And she brought him to the
prom
with her, and Ben was there with Holly but they’re just friends, and he got
wasted
and that’s why the whole wall on the side with the sliding