could think about was how much my heart was breaking for him. I reached for him and he let me put my arms around him. “I’m so sorry.”
He didn’t say anything as he leaned into me, pressing his face against my neck. His skin was cold against mine. When he shivered, I broke the silence. “Let’s get under the covers.”
He nodded and we climbed under the sheet and bedspread without another word. I took him in my arms again and our bodies pressed together. He rested his head on my chest, the silky strands of his hair soft against my skin. His arm went around my waist, and I could feel the difference between this gesture and ones before. This was for comfort, not for sex. I stroked his hair, letting him take the time he needed. I’d never experienced a loss like that, but I imagined it wasn’t something that someone just got over.
When he started speaking again, he did it without any prompting from me. “The police never found him, the guy who hit her. I spent six months calling every repair shop in a hundred miles, following up on every single one that had a dark, expensive car come in with a dent in the front. I was obsessed and it nearly killed me. That’s when I met Howard. He convinced me that if I was going to be any good to my daughter, I had to let it go.”
I let a few more minutes of silence pass before asking one of the many questions I had. “Your daughter, she’s okay?”
I felt him smile.
“She’s amazing.” He shifted, moving so that we were face-to-face, our arms still around each other, but enough space between our bodies that we weren’t flush together.
“How old is she?” I’d been doing the math in my head based on average ages, but I wasn’t sure.
“Five.” Pride shone in Gavin’s eyes. “She’s starting kindergarten this fall.”
I wasn’t sure how to ask my next question without it sounding like I had some ulterior motive, but I ended up not having to ask. Gavin brought it up first.
“After Camille died, I wasn’t in any state to take care of a baby.” He reached out and brushed some of my curls back from my face. “Her parents stepped in and, when I’d healed enough to be able to think clearly, we talked. I wasn’t sure I could be everything Skylar needed, and she’d already been with them for over half a year, so I allowed them to adopt her.”
I fought to keep my surprise off my face. “Do you keep in touch with her?”
He nodded. “I see her as often as I can, at least every other weekend, and she knows who I am. Camille’s parents and I decided that we wanted Skylar to know who her mother was, and it only seemed right to do the same for me. She calls them Mama and Papa, and she knows that they’re her parents, but she calls me Daddy, and refers to Camille as Mommy. There are so many other kids she knows who have multiple sets of parents, she hasn’t really had a hard time accepting that this is just the way it is for us.”
“Would–” I hesitated, then continued, “Would you ever want to get custody back?”
“No.” His voice was soft. “But not because I don’t miss her and wouldn’t love to have her with me all the time. Her happiness and what’s in her best interest are more important than what I want. It would be cruel of me to tear her away from the only life she’s ever known.”
I leaned forward and brushed my lips against his. I returned to my previous position of a safe distance before it could become anything more. I wasn’t about to take advantage of his vulnerable state.
“She’s beautiful,” he said with a smile. “She has my eyes, but the rest of her is all Camille. Blond hair, about a shade or two lighter than yours, and this smile that can light up a room.” He reached out and pulled me towards him. “I can’t wait for you to meet her.”
My heart skipped a beat at that, breaking free of the last of the ice that had held it. He wanted me to
He didn’t say anything as he leaned into me, pressing his face against my neck. His skin was cold against mine. When he shivered, I broke the silence. “Let’s get under the covers.”
He nodded and we climbed under the sheet and bedspread without another word. I took him in my arms again and our bodies pressed together. He rested his head on my chest, the silky strands of his hair soft against my skin. His arm went around my waist, and I could feel the difference between this gesture and ones before. This was for comfort, not for sex. I stroked his hair, letting him take the time he needed. I’d never experienced a loss like that, but I imagined it wasn’t something that someone just got over.
When he started speaking again, he did it without any prompting from me. “The police never found him, the guy who hit her. I spent six months calling every repair shop in a hundred miles, following up on every single one that had a dark, expensive car come in with a dent in the front. I was obsessed and it nearly killed me. That’s when I met Howard. He convinced me that if I was going to be any good to my daughter, I had to let it go.”
I let a few more minutes of silence pass before asking one of the many questions I had. “Your daughter, she’s okay?”
I felt him smile.
“She’s amazing.” He shifted, moving so that we were face-to-face, our arms still around each other, but enough space between our bodies that we weren’t flush together.
“How old is she?” I’d been doing the math in my head based on average ages, but I wasn’t sure.
“Five.” Pride shone in Gavin’s eyes. “She’s starting kindergarten this fall.”
I wasn’t sure how to ask my next question without it sounding like I had some ulterior motive, but I ended up not having to ask. Gavin brought it up first.
“After Camille died, I wasn’t in any state to take care of a baby.” He reached out and brushed some of my curls back from my face. “Her parents stepped in and, when I’d healed enough to be able to think clearly, we talked. I wasn’t sure I could be everything Skylar needed, and she’d already been with them for over half a year, so I allowed them to adopt her.”
I fought to keep my surprise off my face. “Do you keep in touch with her?”
He nodded. “I see her as often as I can, at least every other weekend, and she knows who I am. Camille’s parents and I decided that we wanted Skylar to know who her mother was, and it only seemed right to do the same for me. She calls them Mama and Papa, and she knows that they’re her parents, but she calls me Daddy, and refers to Camille as Mommy. There are so many other kids she knows who have multiple sets of parents, she hasn’t really had a hard time accepting that this is just the way it is for us.”
“Would–” I hesitated, then continued, “Would you ever want to get custody back?”
“No.” His voice was soft. “But not because I don’t miss her and wouldn’t love to have her with me all the time. Her happiness and what’s in her best interest are more important than what I want. It would be cruel of me to tear her away from the only life she’s ever known.”
I leaned forward and brushed my lips against his. I returned to my previous position of a safe distance before it could become anything more. I wasn’t about to take advantage of his vulnerable state.
“She’s beautiful,” he said with a smile. “She has my eyes, but the rest of her is all Camille. Blond hair, about a shade or two lighter than yours, and this smile that can light up a room.” He reached out and pulled me towards him. “I can’t wait for you to meet her.”
My heart skipped a beat at that, breaking free of the last of the ice that had held it. He wanted me to
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