Contingent by Livia Jamerlan

her what was happening. But I was trapped, unable to move.
    I had been engaged when I knocked on Braelynn’s door.
    I had agreed to marry someone else when I sunk deep inside of her.
    Never did I imagine she would be at this party, looking at me with the last shred of hope leaving her body in tears.
    Braelynn spun away from me moving through the crowd until she was no longer visible. Finding Loren in the crowd, she stood shaking her head at me. I had annihilated Braelynn.

Braelynn
    My cries were all that could be heard through the empty guesthouse. I wanted to scream, but first I needed the bathroom. The door slammed shut behind me as I kneeled on the ground and dry heaved over the toilet. Remnants of tears, sweat and bile remained on my face. Eight months of being sober, and I had never craved getting high as much as I did at that moment. A pill would take away this pain. Just one . . .
    I sobbed harder at the realization of the addiction still living inside of me. “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change . . .” I slammed my head on the bathroom wall. “The courage to change the things I can . . .” My fingers tugged at my hair. “And the wisdom to know the difference.”
    Repeating the serenity prayer until the need to use again passed, I lay my body on the cool tile floor, my breathing heavy as the wave of reality hit me. He was engaged. He was marrying that wicked woman. And she had my engagement ring on her finger. Just the thought of it brought a new surge of nausea. Pulling my knees to my body, I buried my head to mask my cries. The comprehension that I had lost him forever began settling in.
    When my frame stopped trembling and I could stand on my own two feet, I let the cold water run and then splashed my face a few times. I straightened my back and stared at myself in the mirror as my fingers gripped the limestone sink. “This will not define you. You will not let her see you fall.”
    Tugging my shirt in place, I stepped out of the bathroom and headed towards the kitchen, but my feet stopped short when I noticed I wasn’t alone. My heart raced as I watched Peyton closing the sliding door. I swallowed in my breath and tip-toed backward, trying not to make a sound as I snuck toward the front entrance.
    In the past two months, my heart had taken all that it could. Talking to him now was impossible. My heart wouldn’t last. My pride would be dismantled.
    “Braelynn wait!” His authoritative voice flowed through the house, igniting goose bumps on my skin.
    Please God, help me be strong.
    “Stop right there.” I twirled to face him. My hands shot up to stop him.
    “Lynn—” he moved another step but I backed away.
    “Don’t. Fucking. Move.” My hands balled into tight fists.
    “Let me explain.” His voice turned soft, his eyes tender when he looked at me. They were the same eyes I had fallen in love with, the ones that had showed me his love. My vision became blurry with tears.
    I sucked in a breath of courage. “No!” I shouted, my voice hoarse and weak from crying. “I don’t need you to explain. I don’t want to talk to you. I have a job to finish. So please, go back to your fiancée and leave me the hell alone.”
    I turned and yanked the front door open. I didn’t look back as I walked to the house, my legs trembling with nerves. Haas did things to me that I couldn’t describe. Things I knew were unhealthy for my sanity. He controlled me. I could never deny him, I was a weakling in his presence. Walking out of the guesthouse and leaving him there was harder than I’d imagined.
    I slid into the kitchen through the side door and met Loren as she added the final touches to the catered food.
    “What do you need me to do?” My palms were damp as I rubbed them on my pants.
    “Are you okay?” Loren looked at me. Her forgiving eyes told me I still looked as though I had spent the last thirty minutes crying.
    “I’m fine, Lo.” I cleared my throat. “What do you