direction. Rendered me worthless. Unworthy of carrying his child. And even back then, before the Garonin came, people called me efra.
‘And I know that despite what he did to me, despite the humiliation, I still loved him. I still love him today.’
Katyett sighed. ‘He never stopped loving you, either.’
‘Really?’ Pelyn’s tone was bitter-edged. ‘He believed in my ability on the battlefield but that is hardly the same thing.’
‘It was exactly the same thing to Takaar. He saw greatness in you and he brought it to the fore. Showed everyone what you could do.’
‘Out of guilt, I expect.’
‘Don’t be so stupid, Pelyn. You think he rejected you because he didn’t care? Wouldn’t have been proud to father a child with you; a Tuali-Ynissul union? He did it because he could see a better destiny.’
‘What could be better than being the mother of Takaar’s child!’ Pelyn cried. ‘Do you think I’m stupid, Katyett? Do you really? I know why he rejected me. It had nothing to do with my skills as a general. Having a baby wouldn’t change that, would it? It’s because he had eyes elsewhere. Didn’t he? Didn’t he!’
Pelyn’s hand came round, open-palmed. Katyett caught her wrist and held it like she held Pelyn’s gaze.
‘Yes, he did. And you know what happened? Nothing. I bore him nothing. My love for him was as desperate as yours. Yniss knows it still is and ever will be. But I could not give him what he wanted. All that time I was away from the TaiGethen, when people suspected I was pregnant, I was hiding my shame, trying every method, herbal and mystic, to make myself more fertile. And I failed. I failed, Pelyn, and he and I both know he should have chosen you.’
Pelyn had relaxed completely and Katyett let go her wrist. Pelyn rubbed it and then took Katyett’s hand.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said quietly. ‘I had no idea.’
‘I wish I was termed efra ,’ said Katyett, believing it too. ‘At least that way I could hold my head up and say I might have been the mother.’
‘You don’t wish that. Trust me.’
Both iads smiled. They embraced.
‘Takaar has no heir,’ said Katyett, breaking away but not letting go.
Pelyn bit her lip. ‘And you. Will you enter fertility again?’
‘Perhaps,’ said Katyett. ‘But I have to live through all this first. And find Takaar and persuade him he needs a child. Yniss preserve us, he’s probably dead.’
‘Despite all that he has caused, to have no child would be terrible,’ said Pelyn.
‘There are precious few out there who would agree with you. How old are you?’
‘Three hundred and seven,’ said Pelyn.
‘Still fertile?’
Pelyn shrugged. ‘Yes, but my prime has passed by twenty years. And I only get one season, long though it feels sometimes.’
Katyett nodded. ‘We really could do without this war, if it comes to it.’
‘I hear you. We’d be right back to the days of pressure to conceive.’
‘Funny isn’t it that Takaar effectively gave the iads choice of partner and then demonstrated how easy it is to get it wrong.’
‘Oh, Katyett, he didn’t get it wrong. Wanting you to mother his child was the least surprising decision he ever made.’
Katyett burst into tears and hugged Pelyn close.
‘Yours is the most generous of souls,’ she whispered.
‘And yours the strongest,’ said Pelyn. ‘We cannot fall back into war.’
‘Then let’s stop pining after lost love for a moment and go and sort the rabble out.’
Pelyn laughed and pulled away.
‘Thank you, Katyett,’ she said. ‘I nearly lost myself.’
‘Want to know another truth? Anyone else calls you efra and you’ll need to beat me to the killing blow.’
‘I’ll take the challenge.’
The door to the office opened.
‘Katyett. Trouble at the temple piazza,’ said Grafyrre.
Katyett sighed. ‘Looks like it might be a long old day. Come on.’
It was a heartbreaking run through the city. So much bile, stored up for so long. Katyett had
‘And I know that despite what he did to me, despite the humiliation, I still loved him. I still love him today.’
Katyett sighed. ‘He never stopped loving you, either.’
‘Really?’ Pelyn’s tone was bitter-edged. ‘He believed in my ability on the battlefield but that is hardly the same thing.’
‘It was exactly the same thing to Takaar. He saw greatness in you and he brought it to the fore. Showed everyone what you could do.’
‘Out of guilt, I expect.’
‘Don’t be so stupid, Pelyn. You think he rejected you because he didn’t care? Wouldn’t have been proud to father a child with you; a Tuali-Ynissul union? He did it because he could see a better destiny.’
‘What could be better than being the mother of Takaar’s child!’ Pelyn cried. ‘Do you think I’m stupid, Katyett? Do you really? I know why he rejected me. It had nothing to do with my skills as a general. Having a baby wouldn’t change that, would it? It’s because he had eyes elsewhere. Didn’t he? Didn’t he!’
Pelyn’s hand came round, open-palmed. Katyett caught her wrist and held it like she held Pelyn’s gaze.
‘Yes, he did. And you know what happened? Nothing. I bore him nothing. My love for him was as desperate as yours. Yniss knows it still is and ever will be. But I could not give him what he wanted. All that time I was away from the TaiGethen, when people suspected I was pregnant, I was hiding my shame, trying every method, herbal and mystic, to make myself more fertile. And I failed. I failed, Pelyn, and he and I both know he should have chosen you.’
Pelyn had relaxed completely and Katyett let go her wrist. Pelyn rubbed it and then took Katyett’s hand.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said quietly. ‘I had no idea.’
‘I wish I was termed efra ,’ said Katyett, believing it too. ‘At least that way I could hold my head up and say I might have been the mother.’
‘You don’t wish that. Trust me.’
Both iads smiled. They embraced.
‘Takaar has no heir,’ said Katyett, breaking away but not letting go.
Pelyn bit her lip. ‘And you. Will you enter fertility again?’
‘Perhaps,’ said Katyett. ‘But I have to live through all this first. And find Takaar and persuade him he needs a child. Yniss preserve us, he’s probably dead.’
‘Despite all that he has caused, to have no child would be terrible,’ said Pelyn.
‘There are precious few out there who would agree with you. How old are you?’
‘Three hundred and seven,’ said Pelyn.
‘Still fertile?’
Pelyn shrugged. ‘Yes, but my prime has passed by twenty years. And I only get one season, long though it feels sometimes.’
Katyett nodded. ‘We really could do without this war, if it comes to it.’
‘I hear you. We’d be right back to the days of pressure to conceive.’
‘Funny isn’t it that Takaar effectively gave the iads choice of partner and then demonstrated how easy it is to get it wrong.’
‘Oh, Katyett, he didn’t get it wrong. Wanting you to mother his child was the least surprising decision he ever made.’
Katyett burst into tears and hugged Pelyn close.
‘Yours is the most generous of souls,’ she whispered.
‘And yours the strongest,’ said Pelyn. ‘We cannot fall back into war.’
‘Then let’s stop pining after lost love for a moment and go and sort the rabble out.’
Pelyn laughed and pulled away.
‘Thank you, Katyett,’ she said. ‘I nearly lost myself.’
‘Want to know another truth? Anyone else calls you efra and you’ll need to beat me to the killing blow.’
‘I’ll take the challenge.’
The door to the office opened.
‘Katyett. Trouble at the temple piazza,’ said Grafyrre.
Katyett sighed. ‘Looks like it might be a long old day. Come on.’
It was a heartbreaking run through the city. So much bile, stored up for so long. Katyett had
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