I Surrender by Monica James

other sides Jasper White has. The gentle, almost personal care he gave to the animals that were neglected made me speculate if he too was once just as wounded and unloved as those creatures.
    Life has a rhythmic pattern, which suits me just fine. Work is going great, keeping me busy. When I have the motivation (which rarely happens) I go for a jog with V. After dinner, I would head over to the shelter to see Jasper. I tell myself it’s helping at the shelter that I am looking forward to all day, not seeing Jasper.
    The feelings of heartache are still nearby, but when I am with Jasper they don’t consume every part of me. He keeps my mind busy, and yes he is very attractive to look at with his black torn jeans, combat boots and some ratty band t shirt being his outfit for the shelter, but it was his company, just hanging out I found most comforting.
    So on a warm Thursday evening while I was brushing my hair into a high ponytail V asks, “So what’s going on with Jasper?” I cringe.
    I can acknowledge that we have a connection, but there is nothing going on per se.
    “For the hundredth time V, nothing. We’re friends just like you and I. No one seems to have a problem with us being friends and ask what’s going on with us. Why is it any different with Jasper? Cause he’s a guy?”
    “No because he’s Jasper. Jasper doesn’t do friends. I’ve never even seen him be friends with his so called friends but with you he’s different. He’s happy.”
    “And that is a bad thing why?” I question while secretly high fiving myself that I make him happy.
    “It’s not a bad thing, if you guys are just friends then that’s great. I’m happy for you as you’re both less moody when you’re together.” V laughs as I throw my hairbrush at her, narrowly missing her head. “But I don’t want you to get hurt.”
    “How am I going to get hurt by being friends with Jasper?” I inquire but I know the answer.
    “Because I know there is more going on than just being friends. Deny it all you want, but there will come a time when you both won’t be able to keep up with this friendship façade. And then there is the Indie situation. Jasper is still seeing Indie for some unknown reason. If you have feelings for him, and he’s still seeing Indie I’m just concerned you’ll get hurt. I see the way you look at each other when you think no one is looking.”
    “What?” I yell.
    “Calm down. I think there is something more going on and you’re both too scared to act on it. Whether it’s because you think it’ll ruin your friendship or maybe you guys are too afraid of what would happened if things actually worked out okay. But hey I could be totally wrong. You guys could pursue things and it might lead into a dead end.”
    “Dead end?” I ask irritated, “why would it be a dead end? We seem to be doing just fine as friends.”
    “Ava c’mon we both know being in a friendship and being in a relationship are two totally different ball games. Let’s say for argument sake, if you and Jasper hooked up and it did end in a messy emotional fiery ball of pain, which is quite likely seeing as you’re both the most stubborn, determined people I have ever met. Do you think you could go back to just being friends?”
    I ponder her question and choose to disregard it, but address her comment regarding my stubbornness. “I’m not stubborn. Look at what I did for Harper. I left everything for him, to please him. I can make compromises in a relationship.”
    “That’s because Harper was a control freak with mommy issues. If you didn’t do what he wanted it would end in a fight. He squashed your spirit and you accepted it because you loved him. We all make sacrifices for our first love, but you’ve grown since Harper. You know you won’t be that girl anymore, that girl that Harper turned you into because he is a spineless narcissist asshole.”
    V’s paying out on Harper doesn’t affect me as much as it used to and I am proud