Impulse by Ellen Hopkins Page B

smells.
    I won't admit to eating it, not out loud. Surprising, the crap you'll eat if you get hungry enough. Worse crap than this, even, and this is pretty damn bad-- Meatball-like Crap in a Can. Served lukewarm over half-
    cooked spaghetti. 315
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    Jeez, Conner is sure loading up his plate. I can't believe anyone would want a double helping of this. "Hey Conner, come here."
    He sits across from me, grinning like Alice's goofball cat. What ' s up? I point to his plate. "Not much. I just thought you might want mine, too."
    Not sure I want this. I was starving until I got an up-close look. 316
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    We Decide
    All the parents must have finished their visiting early and gone home long before the kitchen got busy reinventing dog food.
    I don ' t know if my parents would have been more horrified or satisfied. Conner laughs. My morn would probably have puked.
    "We all may puke before the evening is over. Damn, can you see it? Marinara and meat by-products, splashed across stalls and walls. Yeah, man!" 317
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    Conner wrinkles his nose.
    Well, I ' m gonna chance it. My stomach is turning
    cartwheels. Catharsis makes for a healthy appetite, I guess.
    "Catharsis, eh? Sounds like you had an interesting day. Want to cough up a few details?" Of course, turnabout's fair play. I don't mind.
    Sure, he says, around a big, smooshy bite. Just give me a few minutes to choke down this delicious Chef Boyar-D on ' t meal. 318
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    I Knew He Had
    A wicked sense of sarcasm--Conner's brand of humor. Mine too, tell the truth. Maybe that's why I like the guy. No one
    could be as straight- arrow as the person he lets the world see. Totally plugged up. That's how most people would describe him.
    But there's a kernel there... something worth trying to grow. Don't ask me what. Might be worth trying to figure it out. 319
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    He's giving the rundown on visiting day. Dr Starr gave me Level Three, mostly I think because I held my tongue but still held my round.
    Dad, at least, tried to pretend he gave half a damn. Yeah, right. Mom will always be the total uptight c-u-you know what.
    Interesting, that he doesn't just say the word. Some sort of psychology there. Sheesh, who's the therapist around here, anyway? 320
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    It's the First Time
    I've faced this situation. I feel violated. Raped by Paul's eyes. I hold out my hand and he drops my new salvation into my outstretched palm, eyes barely lifting as he says,
    It will take a few weeks to really feel the effects, so don ' t panic if your mood
    swings intensify for a while.
    We ' ll keep you on the Prozac, too, just in case.
    Oh, great. Fixed and ruined at the same time. Oh, well. They're the experts. Like I really believe that.
    Dinner is everyone ' s favorite, spaghetti à la Aspen Springs.
    Hurry up. Wouldn ' t want to miss out, would you? 321
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    He backs away, eyes still on a point somewhere around three feet off the ground. "Thanks, Paul," I say, turning my back to him.
    Not that I'm not positive
    he's scoping out my butt in exactly the same way.
    The door closes and I rush to slide on my pants before he decides he's forgotten to tell me something. Then I take aim at the dining room.
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    I Guess You Could
    Call this mess of red starch spaghetti. Most of the girls around me don't seem to care, gulping it down like chocolate. Or maybe like something else.
    Check out my face, says
    Dahlia. What does it look like I ' ve been scarfing?
    Her grin is ringed a messy, wet scarlet.
    You probably would, too, answers Devon.
    Personally, I ' d wait at least a week.
    Gack! Disgusting. What is it with these people? Thank goodness they don't seem inclined to include me in their sick banter. 323
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    Just to prove me wrong, Dahlia asks loudly, What about you, Vanessa? You ever munch carpet?
    I consider the best way to answer such a loaded, leading question. My usual way of dealing with such things is withdrawal. Tonight, something wicked comes over me. "Never have, dear. Maybe because the first one I ever saw