to live in sorrow and bitterness for years. My faith brought me through it. I wasn’t always submissive to God’s words and commands, either. I struggled with my emotions. I wanted God to fix things with Lana. I prayed he would, but He never did. He didn’t just give me carte-blanche because I asked with all my heart and believed in him. Finally, I pushed aside my plans and my desires for a solution and let God take over. Over time, the healing started then the peace settled in. One day, it will be revealed to me why all of the pain had to happen. Until then, I trust God to lead me through the valleys of life up to the mountaintops.”
“I’m in the valley right now, Rand,” Ellen uttered so somberly, her words were almost lost in the rustling of leaves behind her.
“Why don’t we pray right now, right here, Ellen,” Rand suggested. “I can use some prayer, too.”
“Has remembering Lana made you wish things had turned out differently, Rand?” Ellen tiptoed around the question, afraid of his answer.
Rand recalled the snag in his emotions a few moments ago and shrugged, “I question the way of things from time to time and think about what it would have been like being married to Lana, but I don’t dwell on those feelings.”
Ellen didn’t know what to make of his reply. He hadn’t come right out and said NO the way she’d hoped.
After they prayed for guidance and patience in dealing with their own sets of problems, Rand walked Ellen back to the house. She went on to bed while he moseyed into the library and picked up the book of devotionals he kept on the table beside his reading chair. Inside was a photograph of Lana and him. He’d stuck it there, not as a reminder of their love, but of the strength God had given him to overcome the pain she’d brought him.
He gazed long and hard at it, expecting waves of doubt to wash over him. None did. His heart was completely healed of Lana. She was definitely out of his life forever. Rand shoved the photo back in place and set the book down. One day, he’d tear it up as he had all the others and trash it, but it gave him peace now to gaze on it without experiencing the slightest bit of emotion. It made him feel strong and free like he had conquered his worst nightmare.
Ellen crawled into bed with her Bible that night and located the Scripture Rand had mentioned earlier. A few pages over, she stumbled across another verse along the same lines, but it spoke more to her needs. She read it out loud.
“Psalm 51:17, ‘The sacrifice God wants is a broken spirit. God, you will not reject a heart that is broken and sorry for sin.’”
Ellen wept as she read the passage over and over. Her heart was broken and sorry for sin. Next Monday, she would face a stranger who could divulge her secret to the world. If only she’d been honest from the beginning, she wouldn’t be going through this anguish.
Bowing her head, Ellen blurted out a desperate plea for help from the only one who could help her.
“Dear Heavenly Father, you know my heart, you know my sin. You know what I’ve done, how I caused Paul’s accident and death. I didn’t mean it, but it happened. I’m so sorry for hurting him that way. I took his life away, and then I’ve covered it all up with deception. I should have been honest with the reporters from the beginning and told them I had broken up with Paul the night before our wedding. Instead, I kept quiet when they all assumed I still loved Paul. I’m such a fraud.” Ellen trembled with sobs. Teardrops dotted the thin paper of her Bible and blurred the print. She put it aside to protect it.
“Forgive my sins Heavenly Father. I’ve done wrong. I’m still hurting people I’ve grown to love by keeping this secret of sin inside me. It’s torturing me. Please, help me. I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried being quiet, thinking it would go
“I’m in the valley right now, Rand,” Ellen uttered so somberly, her words were almost lost in the rustling of leaves behind her.
“Why don’t we pray right now, right here, Ellen,” Rand suggested. “I can use some prayer, too.”
“Has remembering Lana made you wish things had turned out differently, Rand?” Ellen tiptoed around the question, afraid of his answer.
Rand recalled the snag in his emotions a few moments ago and shrugged, “I question the way of things from time to time and think about what it would have been like being married to Lana, but I don’t dwell on those feelings.”
Ellen didn’t know what to make of his reply. He hadn’t come right out and said NO the way she’d hoped.
After they prayed for guidance and patience in dealing with their own sets of problems, Rand walked Ellen back to the house. She went on to bed while he moseyed into the library and picked up the book of devotionals he kept on the table beside his reading chair. Inside was a photograph of Lana and him. He’d stuck it there, not as a reminder of their love, but of the strength God had given him to overcome the pain she’d brought him.
He gazed long and hard at it, expecting waves of doubt to wash over him. None did. His heart was completely healed of Lana. She was definitely out of his life forever. Rand shoved the photo back in place and set the book down. One day, he’d tear it up as he had all the others and trash it, but it gave him peace now to gaze on it without experiencing the slightest bit of emotion. It made him feel strong and free like he had conquered his worst nightmare.
Ellen crawled into bed with her Bible that night and located the Scripture Rand had mentioned earlier. A few pages over, she stumbled across another verse along the same lines, but it spoke more to her needs. She read it out loud.
“Psalm 51:17, ‘The sacrifice God wants is a broken spirit. God, you will not reject a heart that is broken and sorry for sin.’”
Ellen wept as she read the passage over and over. Her heart was broken and sorry for sin. Next Monday, she would face a stranger who could divulge her secret to the world. If only she’d been honest from the beginning, she wouldn’t be going through this anguish.
Bowing her head, Ellen blurted out a desperate plea for help from the only one who could help her.
“Dear Heavenly Father, you know my heart, you know my sin. You know what I’ve done, how I caused Paul’s accident and death. I didn’t mean it, but it happened. I’m so sorry for hurting him that way. I took his life away, and then I’ve covered it all up with deception. I should have been honest with the reporters from the beginning and told them I had broken up with Paul the night before our wedding. Instead, I kept quiet when they all assumed I still loved Paul. I’m such a fraud.” Ellen trembled with sobs. Teardrops dotted the thin paper of her Bible and blurred the print. She put it aside to protect it.
“Forgive my sins Heavenly Father. I’ve done wrong. I’m still hurting people I’ve grown to love by keeping this secret of sin inside me. It’s torturing me. Please, help me. I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried being quiet, thinking it would go
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