way.”
As the girls chatted, the blue glass beads hanging around Alex’s neck gleamed. The rosary sang in the light, an effervescent energy emanating from the thick silver cross that occasionally bounced off her flat stomach.
Letting his right eye slip shut, he tried to calm himself as he watched the rosary swing like a pendulum.
Stab .
He dug his fingernails into the arm of the chair. His stomach turned.
Another stab. This time along two branches of the nerve. He gritted his teeth, then forced himself to relax, slackening his jaw. Panicking wouldn’t help.
But it was coming.
It’s coming, it’s coming, it’s coming .
He started breathing from his mouth, each breath shorter than the last, the inhales hard and fast because he knew breathing hurt. Living hurt.
I’m not living. This isn’t fucking living .
The swinging cross drew nearer and the light swam, the pendant dipping as Alex leaned down, her hands on her knees, peering into Orion’s left eye, the only one showing.
“You’re not okay,” she was saying. “I knew it.”
Tammy’s face appeared, and he recognized the fear there. But he saw something else, an emotionless void, an emptiness that worried him. He thought of his mother for the second time that night, and a small part of him prayed Tammy wouldn’t end up like her one day, her hand tight around a bottle as she shut out the world—and him.
What am I thinking? We haven’t been dating that long and…and fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, it hurts. I can’t live like this, I can’t, I can’t.
A ragged, grating sound shook his guts and made bile rise in his throat. He realized with a start he’d made that sound.
All of a sudden, Tammy was tugging on his arm, pulling him to his feet.
As if realizing he’d been staring at it, Alex slipped off the rosary and hung it around his neck. She stared straight into his eyes and said, “You need this more than I do. Your girlfriend told me what you’re going through. Tammy, get him somewhere safe.”
“I will.”
They started the trek back toward his house. As desperation rose within him, he wished the pain would end. He knew he wouldn’t remember much of anything come tomorrow. If he’d been in his right mind, he wouldn’t have wanted Tammy to come to his parents’ house. But he wasn’t, he was losing his mind.
That didn’t matter. As long as I don’t lose her.
23
Chapter Twenty-Three
R yan dropped his hat on the table at Express Ohh’s. It thudded gently against the smooth, mocha-colored surface.
“Nice.” Jordan fingered the soft, light brown material of the hat which just about matched the color of the table. “Suede. You know this hat makes you look like John Wayne, right?”
“What’ve you got against John Wayne? And you’re wrong. I’ve seen enough of his movies to know my hat doesn’t anywhere near resemble his.” Ryan chuckled, knowing his friend was joking.
He’d just finished his shift for the day, but he was always on call. At least, he knew he could go home and sleep tonight. There wasn’t much trouble in Clearwater, ever. He preferred it that way. Jordan didn’t mind the nightshift, and he’d happily taken the hours. Which made it easier for Ryan. That way, he didn’t have to explain why he hated working nights.
“Here we are!” Jennifer’s sing-song voice danced across the café as she came toward them with their drinks. “One black coffee, no cream or sugar.” She placed the steaming mug in front of Jordan. “And one chai latte. Enjoy. I’ll be right out with your sandwiches.”
“Thanks, Jen.” Ryan nodded, watching her soft auburn hair flit behind her as she sauntered away. When he turned to face Jordan, the man was shaking his head in seeming wonderment. Ryan lifted his mug and sipped his tea. “What are you staring at?”
“You. What’s the deal?”
“What deal?”
“Chai lattes, man? Isn’t that kind of a sissy drink?”
“I’ve been getting bored of coffee.” In truth, his
As the girls chatted, the blue glass beads hanging around Alex’s neck gleamed. The rosary sang in the light, an effervescent energy emanating from the thick silver cross that occasionally bounced off her flat stomach.
Letting his right eye slip shut, he tried to calm himself as he watched the rosary swing like a pendulum.
Stab .
He dug his fingernails into the arm of the chair. His stomach turned.
Another stab. This time along two branches of the nerve. He gritted his teeth, then forced himself to relax, slackening his jaw. Panicking wouldn’t help.
But it was coming.
It’s coming, it’s coming, it’s coming .
He started breathing from his mouth, each breath shorter than the last, the inhales hard and fast because he knew breathing hurt. Living hurt.
I’m not living. This isn’t fucking living .
The swinging cross drew nearer and the light swam, the pendant dipping as Alex leaned down, her hands on her knees, peering into Orion’s left eye, the only one showing.
“You’re not okay,” she was saying. “I knew it.”
Tammy’s face appeared, and he recognized the fear there. But he saw something else, an emotionless void, an emptiness that worried him. He thought of his mother for the second time that night, and a small part of him prayed Tammy wouldn’t end up like her one day, her hand tight around a bottle as she shut out the world—and him.
What am I thinking? We haven’t been dating that long and…and fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, it hurts. I can’t live like this, I can’t, I can’t.
A ragged, grating sound shook his guts and made bile rise in his throat. He realized with a start he’d made that sound.
All of a sudden, Tammy was tugging on his arm, pulling him to his feet.
As if realizing he’d been staring at it, Alex slipped off the rosary and hung it around his neck. She stared straight into his eyes and said, “You need this more than I do. Your girlfriend told me what you’re going through. Tammy, get him somewhere safe.”
“I will.”
They started the trek back toward his house. As desperation rose within him, he wished the pain would end. He knew he wouldn’t remember much of anything come tomorrow. If he’d been in his right mind, he wouldn’t have wanted Tammy to come to his parents’ house. But he wasn’t, he was losing his mind.
That didn’t matter. As long as I don’t lose her.
23
Chapter Twenty-Three
R yan dropped his hat on the table at Express Ohh’s. It thudded gently against the smooth, mocha-colored surface.
“Nice.” Jordan fingered the soft, light brown material of the hat which just about matched the color of the table. “Suede. You know this hat makes you look like John Wayne, right?”
“What’ve you got against John Wayne? And you’re wrong. I’ve seen enough of his movies to know my hat doesn’t anywhere near resemble his.” Ryan chuckled, knowing his friend was joking.
He’d just finished his shift for the day, but he was always on call. At least, he knew he could go home and sleep tonight. There wasn’t much trouble in Clearwater, ever. He preferred it that way. Jordan didn’t mind the nightshift, and he’d happily taken the hours. Which made it easier for Ryan. That way, he didn’t have to explain why he hated working nights.
“Here we are!” Jennifer’s sing-song voice danced across the café as she came toward them with their drinks. “One black coffee, no cream or sugar.” She placed the steaming mug in front of Jordan. “And one chai latte. Enjoy. I’ll be right out with your sandwiches.”
“Thanks, Jen.” Ryan nodded, watching her soft auburn hair flit behind her as she sauntered away. When he turned to face Jordan, the man was shaking his head in seeming wonderment. Ryan lifted his mug and sipped his tea. “What are you staring at?”
“You. What’s the deal?”
“What deal?”
“Chai lattes, man? Isn’t that kind of a sissy drink?”
“I’ve been getting bored of coffee.” In truth, his
Similar Books
