headed toward the break area and bathroom. “Lemme get cleaned up.”
When he emerged and they stepped out into the parking lot, they were both bundled up. Orion covered half his face with his scarf and shivered. As his body trembled, he knew it was caused more by fear than cold.
“Are you okay?”
She walked on his left so he could see her, having gotten used to the ritual.
“Yeah. I think so.”
A million terrors rushed through his mind. Having a panic attack in public would be horrible, and in front of Tammy—he couldn’t have that. Instead of voicing his frantic worries, he said, “So, where’d you say you wanna go?”
“I have to stop by the library and see Alex. She’s staying late this evening, getting some projects done with the historical archives, and we’re arranging a time for me to come in and help tomorrow.”
“Oh, that’s cool.” A shock lanced through his jaw, and he winced as a tingling sensation passed across his cheek. She didn’t see it, having glanced away. Even in his panicked state, which he hid well, he could tell Tammy was upset.
“Are you okay?” he repeated her earlier question.
“Yeah, why?”
“You seem…I don’t know.” He was running out of words. The pain was coming. They stepped into the library. At least the warmth of the building felt comforting to him. Fuck, what’ll I do?
“My father is probably going to die from this brain tumor unless the next round of chemo helps.”
Her face bore no expression. She held a darkness in her, and the look in her eyes reminded him of his mother when she reached her worst. The thought came to him just as a stab of pain shot across his forehead. He bowed his head for a moment in the lobby, relaxing all the muscles in his face, trying to buy himself time.
Not long now.
Hoping he sounded casual, he said, “So, how long do you think this’ll take?”
“Why do you ask?” She turned and frowned, appearing almost suspicious, as they stood in the short hallway leading to Alex’s office.
“Just wondering. I…I have to help my dad at home.”
He wondered why he was lying to her. Then he thought of a month or so back, when he’d been visiting a buddy over in Jackson Hole, walking down the street with his head wrapped in a scarf, a black hood over his head. Tires had screeched as the car passed by and somebody had yelled, “ You look like a goddamn terrorist! ” Raucous laughter had rumbled from the windows of the car as it disappeared into the distance.
He’d grown tired of being judged. Tired of doctors who told him he was too young to have trigeminal neuralgia, that he must be imagining it. Tired of people wondering why he covered his face whenever he stepped outside, but grateful he could still work. Knowing the degenerative nature of his condition, he had no idea what he might be like five, ten years from now. But when a flare-up happened, he couldn’t do anything.
The frequency of the pain attacks had started increasing. He could feel it. As they stepped up to Alex’s office, he realized why he lied to Tammy. Shame. He’d told her about it, but he was still ashamed. He didn’t want her to think less of him.
“Hey!” Alex beamed when she saw them. “You must be Orion.” She extended a hand, and they shook.
His unabashed stare went right to the shiny buckles on her motorcycle boots.
Alex winked, noticing his glance. “All the guys look at my boots,” she joked.
He chuckled, feeling a shock when he smiled.
He couldn’t do anything with the pain. Without invitation, he slumped into the seat nearest him. The fluorescent lights glared like an unforgiving enemy.
“You okay, kid?” Alex tucked the file folders into a drawer nearest her, then glanced back at him as her dark hair slipped over her eyes.
“Yeah, sure.”
“I don’t think I believe him,” Tammy noted.
“Right. He doesn’t look so good. Well, listen, let’s go over everything right away, and then you two can get on your
When he emerged and they stepped out into the parking lot, they were both bundled up. Orion covered half his face with his scarf and shivered. As his body trembled, he knew it was caused more by fear than cold.
“Are you okay?”
She walked on his left so he could see her, having gotten used to the ritual.
“Yeah. I think so.”
A million terrors rushed through his mind. Having a panic attack in public would be horrible, and in front of Tammy—he couldn’t have that. Instead of voicing his frantic worries, he said, “So, where’d you say you wanna go?”
“I have to stop by the library and see Alex. She’s staying late this evening, getting some projects done with the historical archives, and we’re arranging a time for me to come in and help tomorrow.”
“Oh, that’s cool.” A shock lanced through his jaw, and he winced as a tingling sensation passed across his cheek. She didn’t see it, having glanced away. Even in his panicked state, which he hid well, he could tell Tammy was upset.
“Are you okay?” he repeated her earlier question.
“Yeah, why?”
“You seem…I don’t know.” He was running out of words. The pain was coming. They stepped into the library. At least the warmth of the building felt comforting to him. Fuck, what’ll I do?
“My father is probably going to die from this brain tumor unless the next round of chemo helps.”
Her face bore no expression. She held a darkness in her, and the look in her eyes reminded him of his mother when she reached her worst. The thought came to him just as a stab of pain shot across his forehead. He bowed his head for a moment in the lobby, relaxing all the muscles in his face, trying to buy himself time.
Not long now.
Hoping he sounded casual, he said, “So, how long do you think this’ll take?”
“Why do you ask?” She turned and frowned, appearing almost suspicious, as they stood in the short hallway leading to Alex’s office.
“Just wondering. I…I have to help my dad at home.”
He wondered why he was lying to her. Then he thought of a month or so back, when he’d been visiting a buddy over in Jackson Hole, walking down the street with his head wrapped in a scarf, a black hood over his head. Tires had screeched as the car passed by and somebody had yelled, “ You look like a goddamn terrorist! ” Raucous laughter had rumbled from the windows of the car as it disappeared into the distance.
He’d grown tired of being judged. Tired of doctors who told him he was too young to have trigeminal neuralgia, that he must be imagining it. Tired of people wondering why he covered his face whenever he stepped outside, but grateful he could still work. Knowing the degenerative nature of his condition, he had no idea what he might be like five, ten years from now. But when a flare-up happened, he couldn’t do anything.
The frequency of the pain attacks had started increasing. He could feel it. As they stepped up to Alex’s office, he realized why he lied to Tammy. Shame. He’d told her about it, but he was still ashamed. He didn’t want her to think less of him.
“Hey!” Alex beamed when she saw them. “You must be Orion.” She extended a hand, and they shook.
His unabashed stare went right to the shiny buckles on her motorcycle boots.
Alex winked, noticing his glance. “All the guys look at my boots,” she joked.
He chuckled, feeling a shock when he smiled.
He couldn’t do anything with the pain. Without invitation, he slumped into the seat nearest him. The fluorescent lights glared like an unforgiving enemy.
“You okay, kid?” Alex tucked the file folders into a drawer nearest her, then glanced back at him as her dark hair slipped over her eyes.
“Yeah, sure.”
“I don’t think I believe him,” Tammy noted.
“Right. He doesn’t look so good. Well, listen, let’s go over everything right away, and then you two can get on your
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