Okay, she was STONEDâ¦but stillâ¦
Maybe before my sexy self-image fades, I should try it out on Christi.
STILL DAY ONEâ
Fridayâ11:25 p.m.âhome
Gomez was way excited to see me, and of course he got the details in full color about my adventures, loving the parts about Grass, even though she caused My Ruin, making me describe the make-out scene about fifty times. Then he told me how this is the perfect day for me to be back home, because of his brotherâs birthday party. I should be there tonight, Gomez insisted, because no one else our age was gonna attend, being as his brother Ramón is a senior, which meant that Gomez had absolutely no one to hang with. And the most excellent information was that Gomezâs mom and dad are visiting relatives in Mexico.
When Dad dropped me off he wanted to speak to Mr. Gomez to be sure the party would be well supervised, but I said not to worry because Mr. Gomez was in the backyard cooking hot dogs, and for sure he and Mrs. Gomez would keep an eye on us. Dad believed me because Iâm Yancy the trustworthy kid, and then he drove away.
Almost immediately, Gomez and I heard how there was going to be a birthday piñata, and we were like, âWhaaaat?? A piñata? Are you eight or eighteen today, Ramón?â And I was imagining a rainbow star-shape or maybe a blue-and-yellow donkey, but now Iâm laughing to myself as I write this, and I hope Mom and Dad donât hear me LOL. Anyway, when Ramónâs friends brought the piñata from the trunk of someoneâs car to hang it from a branch, we couldnât believe it. The piñata was not a star or a donkey. It was a penis. Super detailed, and everyone busted up almost rolling on the ground, and the girls were all saying, âOh, how disgusting!â even though they took turns trying to smash it, too.
So I told Gomez that this could be a rite of passage thing like this male QUINCEÃERA event, a new Latino tradition. By the time my turn came up, the balls were almost falling off, so I gave them a powerful whack with a small baseball bat while I was blindfolded. The guys had to wear a pair of ladiesâ super-size panties for a blindfold, and I couldnât see a thing, although I tried to peek through the lace. And WHAP! That sucker split open, and everyone started shouting, âYancy! Dude! You are the MAN.â It was like I became an important person for about three seconds, which is something new, because in my house Will is the King of Getting Attention and Iâve always just been Mr. Perfect. The party people scrambled across the grass because the piñata was completely filled with condoms and candy but I didnât bother trying to grab any. There was only enough time for me to drink one beer and eat some chips with guacamole because I had to rush home and get there no later than eleven, so I grabbed an extra beer for the road and disappeared.
Inside our house, when I glided past Willâs room, he leaped in front of me and sniffed the air. âHoly shit, liâl bro, you actually need an After Beer Mint!â I kept going and Will yelled, âDad! Mom! You guys had better check out Mr. Perfect. I think heâs starting to get a life.â
And for once I guess maybe Will was right.
DAY TWOâ
Saturdayâ3:05 p.m.âhome
My parents keep warning Will that theyâll take away his allowance and his reward-chart progress if he bothers me or goes near my horse. Maybe my brother needs his drug money or beer money so he can self-medicate, because except for the excellent Beer Breath Moment after Ramónâs party, heâs been staying out of my way. I can do this!
Early in the morning, Tavo pulled up with the horse trailer, and I climbed inside his Magical Music Wagon, and we headed down to Frankâs. Shy backed out cautiously, and I caressed his soft black nose, and he said, âHello, Yancy!â by wiggling his whiskery upper lip
Michael Pryor
Pamela Ann
Cyndi Goodgame
Edna O’Brien
Rick Riordan
Meg Haston
Cal Matthews
Joel C. Rosenberg
JC Andrijeski
James Scorpio