Second Thoughts by Kristofer Clarke

think it was easy for me to look into Belinda’s face and hear her ask me for forgiveness? She hadn’t done anything wrong. I was the one screwing you.”
    “Well, you certainly didn’t make it look hard.”
    “You think I showed up for me?”
    I sat back in the seat. Until I had gotten the attention of a passerby, I didn’t realize I was speaking as loud. I immediately adjusted my tone.
    “Even then I was thinking about you and what you wanted. You wanted me, and I gave in. And yes, I wanted you, too. When you wanted Belinda back, I set my morals aside and I partook in your plan. Again, thinking about you. Belinda was love. We were a mistake.”
    “Your morals should’ve kicked in before you slept with me.”
    “Better late than never, right?” Then I realized this was a perfect lead into what I had called DaMarcus about. “I messed up last night…with Dillon.”
    “Your sister’s husband?” he asked with a simper. “You just can’t help yourself, can you? I’m sure you won’t have a problem te lling your sister what happened. ”
    “Are you kidding me? She can never find out,” I said, whispering, as if Nessa were sitting in the back seat. 
    “Tell her the truth. I’m sure she’ll understand.”
    “My sister? Understand?” I laughed. “I’m supposed to tell her that her husband of five years─the same man I used to screw years ago─came on to me…that we kissed and fondled, and she’s supposed to understand. And then what…tell her it’ll never happen again? Sure. She’ll believe me, and we’ll skip off into a field of purple hydrangea, holding hands like Celie and Nettie─a good ole nothing-will-come-between-me-and-my-sister kind of ending. Is that what you imagine?”
    When I exhaled, a pounding rushed to my fore head.
    “Messing around with you didn’t exactly help my reputation,” I reminded him, “and it’s not like I don’t have Quinton to remind…” I paused.
    “So, is that what our son is to you, a reminder?”
    “You know he is so much more than that,” I corrected. “But you know exactly what she’s going to think.”
    “That you came on to him? I’m sure she knows you better than that.”
    “That’s just it, DaMarcus. My sister knows me.” I looked at the clock on the dash. I had been gone for more than an hour, and had spent most of that time talking to DaMarcus. I put the car in reverse and pressed on the gas, forgetting even to look behind me to make sure no one was behind me. I needed to get back home to my son. I had left Dillon and Nessa at the house. I wasn’t sure if Dillon was feeling as guilty I was, and I didn’t know how long it would take for him to crack.  
    “Hey, why don’t you convince her like you convinced Belinda when she walked in on us,” DaMarcus joked.
    “I’m happy you can joke about the situation now. You hurt Belinda.”
    “We hurt Belinda. You lied, too, remember?”
    “You’re right. I was your enabler. But if not me, it was bound to be someone else.”
    “Why didn’t you just tell her the truth?”
    “I lied to protect you. You had more to lose.” I had to focus on my own situation. “DaMarcus, it’ll be Dillon’s words against mine. Who do you think she’s going to believe? Nessa is one of those women who take their husband’s words as gospel. And I know exactly what he’s going to do.”
    “What’s that?”
    “He’s going to play into the fact that she thinks he can do no wrong. And I’ll be the bitch who throws her couchie at every married man I think should be mine.” I inhaled. “I have a headache. I need to figure this out because I refuse to let it drive me crazy. When can you get Quinton?”
    “I can’t give you that answer right now. Let me check on a few things and I will get back with you tomorrow.”
    I hung up the phone and drove back to Nessa’s with thoughts swirling through my head. Maybe it was best to tell her the truth. That was a crazy thought that I dismissed as soon as it