hospital. A small gray brick building with three floors that could be anyoneâs house, except for the barred windows. He drove here straight off his shift. A few hoursâ sleep mightâve helped. His head feels spacey; heâs not too thrilled with his balance either. Damn pills. Ava offered to drive him to Manhattanâhe was touched. But he can think of better places to take her. The front door is the first of several leading to reception, the architect offering a change of mind at any turn. A baby-faced receptionist who has to be in her fifties gives him a paranoid stare before releasing information. Then she tells him outer doors remain unlocked only during visiting hours. In short, heâd better watch the time.
Shellyâs in one of the dayroomâs orange plastic chairs, a handsome woman with enough energy to run a country. Now sheâs thinner than ever; dark pouches beneath her usually curious eyes. It seems as if sheâs crying without tears. She offers up a ragged face and he pecks a quick kiss.
âI got your message. What happened?â he asks. A man sidles along the wall. Three women stretch their necks to watch a mounted TV. He canât figure if theyâre in or out. Again, he spots the barred window. The tic on his eyelid is back.
âAfter you dropped him off, wetter than a seal, right, I got him to bed. Wouldnât get out next morning. Kept saying, I donât care . . . isnât worth it . . . whatâs the difference . . . things like that. Had to get my oldest to help bring him here. The psychiatrist will evaluate him for seventy-two hours. They mentioned shock treatments. I said, wait. Bruce said it wouldnât make a difference. Itâs as if he made a conscious decision to stop caringâabout anyone. Michael, our baby, is in Iraq, you know, but the way Bruce talks, itâs not our son but himself heâs seeing, young soldier that he was. The memories of then filling him now, god knows what it is he fears.â
âTheyâll feed Bruce antidepressants. They work.â He wonders if he should just lie down like Bruce.
âYeah, hope so. Do you think Murray will keep Bruceâs shift open till heâs back on his feet?â
He doubts it, but nods because the desperation in her voice alarms him.
âIâve brought up three children. A kitchen holds no surprises. I could work two days of his shift till he returns. Would you put in a word?â
âSure.â Murray wonât allow her in his overmanaged kitchen, though heâd welcome Shellyâs help.
âHeâs down the hall, last room on the right. I came out here for a break. Wanted my first cigarette in years, but you canât smoke anywhere. Damn.â
⢠⢠â¢
The hallway is too long, too narrow. He passes a man in a robe talking to something invisible in his hand. The guy reminds him of the time Glory asked him to serve Thanksgiving dinner at a shelter. She found the experience uplifting. The scene depressed him for days. Now, too, the wish to turn around and depart is strong.
No bigger than a walk-in closet with one small barred window and a twin-size bed, which is way too small for Bruce, whoâs curled up facing the wall.
âBruce, hey. Itâs Nick.â The pajama-clad backside and bare feet scare him.
âHey,â the voice barely audible.
âSo . . . how do you feel?â
Nothing.
âWe all go through these dark patches . . . a couple days, youâre up, better than new.â
Bruce shifts around slowly to give him a who-are-you-kidding look. His face is pale, waxy, lips in permanent frown. âIâm not in the mood for chat.â
âI thought youâd have a couple of words for me.â He glances out the window at a small square of gray sky. Could they make these places any more discouraging?
âNick, go home.â
âYeah, in a minute.â
Bruce closes his eyes, which is a
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