the pieces. Collin didn’t have all the pieces.
But Eric did. His brow pinched together as he spit out the words, “Fine. Deny it. Fuck whoever you want, Ivy, but you might was well remove your ward and kill me if you drink more blood.”
“Eric,” I paused. He made everything so vile. So hopeless. My mind drifted to the Demon Princess—to knocking the chalice on the floor. I refused. Even if her words were true, I couldn’t take more blood. It would sever the bond with Eric.
And the lie. It was still there. He thought I held his ward. But I didn’t, Lorren made it, and I didn’t know when it would end. Or why it was there in the first place. Reaching forward, I took his hand. Pressing my thumb into his palm, he watched me. “I just want to make it better. I...” but I never finished speaking.
Panic straightened Eric’s back, as he lunged for me. His hand flew over my lips, making me stop talking. My eyes were wide, as I looked at him. He removed his hand from my mouth. “Hate me, Ivy. It’s the only thing that will save you.”
***
Eric was pulling off snow-soaked boots in his corner of the basement while Collin and I sat on the couch. Collin leaned in close, “Why didn’t you tell me you have feelings for him?” He didn’t seem hurt, or defensive. It was just a question.
I wrapped my arms around myself not wanting to talk about it. “Because that’s not really what it is. I would have said misplaced affection, if anything.” I looked at Collin. He looked at his hands, not knowing what to say. “It was after he was Valefar. I...” I broke off trying to find the right words. This was something I didn’t like. Something I was barely aware of myself.
But Eric knew.
“She doesn’t care for me, Smith. She just likes to play with fire,” Eric said as he sat down, barefooted on the floor in front of us. His gaze was vacant again. The mask he wore, solidly in place. “The pain made her feel alive, again. She has a dark side that seems to evaporate when you’re around. But when she looks at me, I see it. It’s self-serving. And I terrify her.” His gaze was intense, watching me as he spoke. “She wants me because she’s like me. I want to cause her pain, and she wants to feel it. Isn’t that right?” He smiled, stretching his legs out in front of him.
While he spoke my jaw dropped lower and lower. I wanted to refute what he said, but as I opened my mouth to cut him off no words came out. I just wanted to feel something. And Eric made me feel something that I knew was my own. I wanted to fight off the numbness that was seeping deep into my soul. There was a need within me to try to control it. Until now, there had been no controlling it at all.
But I’d noticed something. Around Eric—especially when he was being cruel and doing things that would make a sane person run—I wasn’t so numb. Maybe it was a false sense of security. Maybe I couldn’t feel anything and it was all in my mind. At those moments, I didn’t care because it felt real .
Allowing Eric to torment me became a desire. Dark thoughts flickered through my mind like tiny flames wanting to combust. What Eric did wasn’t an act of violence in my eyes. It was a gift that brought me back to myself. As to the reasons why he acted that way, I wasn’t entirely sure yet. I didn’t need to know. And getting a straight answer out of the fallen angel was difficult.
But this… I never expected him to latch onto what I was doing, and voice it in front of Collin. I didn’t know how to explain what this was or why I needed Eric. I never told Collin because it sounded more twisted than it was. I didn’t know what to say.
Eric arched a brow at me, “What’s the matter, Ivy? Are you too prim and proper to admit that’s why you’re drawn to me? That you have some carnal desire that you can’t control.”
Every muscle in my body tensed as I glared at Eric. He was so smug, saying things that appeared to be true on the
But Eric did. His brow pinched together as he spit out the words, “Fine. Deny it. Fuck whoever you want, Ivy, but you might was well remove your ward and kill me if you drink more blood.”
“Eric,” I paused. He made everything so vile. So hopeless. My mind drifted to the Demon Princess—to knocking the chalice on the floor. I refused. Even if her words were true, I couldn’t take more blood. It would sever the bond with Eric.
And the lie. It was still there. He thought I held his ward. But I didn’t, Lorren made it, and I didn’t know when it would end. Or why it was there in the first place. Reaching forward, I took his hand. Pressing my thumb into his palm, he watched me. “I just want to make it better. I...” but I never finished speaking.
Panic straightened Eric’s back, as he lunged for me. His hand flew over my lips, making me stop talking. My eyes were wide, as I looked at him. He removed his hand from my mouth. “Hate me, Ivy. It’s the only thing that will save you.”
***
Eric was pulling off snow-soaked boots in his corner of the basement while Collin and I sat on the couch. Collin leaned in close, “Why didn’t you tell me you have feelings for him?” He didn’t seem hurt, or defensive. It was just a question.
I wrapped my arms around myself not wanting to talk about it. “Because that’s not really what it is. I would have said misplaced affection, if anything.” I looked at Collin. He looked at his hands, not knowing what to say. “It was after he was Valefar. I...” I broke off trying to find the right words. This was something I didn’t like. Something I was barely aware of myself.
But Eric knew.
“She doesn’t care for me, Smith. She just likes to play with fire,” Eric said as he sat down, barefooted on the floor in front of us. His gaze was vacant again. The mask he wore, solidly in place. “The pain made her feel alive, again. She has a dark side that seems to evaporate when you’re around. But when she looks at me, I see it. It’s self-serving. And I terrify her.” His gaze was intense, watching me as he spoke. “She wants me because she’s like me. I want to cause her pain, and she wants to feel it. Isn’t that right?” He smiled, stretching his legs out in front of him.
While he spoke my jaw dropped lower and lower. I wanted to refute what he said, but as I opened my mouth to cut him off no words came out. I just wanted to feel something. And Eric made me feel something that I knew was my own. I wanted to fight off the numbness that was seeping deep into my soul. There was a need within me to try to control it. Until now, there had been no controlling it at all.
But I’d noticed something. Around Eric—especially when he was being cruel and doing things that would make a sane person run—I wasn’t so numb. Maybe it was a false sense of security. Maybe I couldn’t feel anything and it was all in my mind. At those moments, I didn’t care because it felt real .
Allowing Eric to torment me became a desire. Dark thoughts flickered through my mind like tiny flames wanting to combust. What Eric did wasn’t an act of violence in my eyes. It was a gift that brought me back to myself. As to the reasons why he acted that way, I wasn’t entirely sure yet. I didn’t need to know. And getting a straight answer out of the fallen angel was difficult.
But this… I never expected him to latch onto what I was doing, and voice it in front of Collin. I didn’t know how to explain what this was or why I needed Eric. I never told Collin because it sounded more twisted than it was. I didn’t know what to say.
Eric arched a brow at me, “What’s the matter, Ivy? Are you too prim and proper to admit that’s why you’re drawn to me? That you have some carnal desire that you can’t control.”
Every muscle in my body tensed as I glared at Eric. He was so smug, saying things that appeared to be true on the
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