being inspired, all she’d felt was a thick knot of dread forming in her stomach.
She didn’t know whether her anxiety came from having to make such an important choice, from knowing she was going to disappoint so many people…or from her most private reason of all. “It’s hard to choose, Dad.”
“I know, but it has to be done.” With a gentle smile, he said, “Lillian, I really think you’ll feel better once a decision has been made.”
He was right. There was so much tension in their family, things could only get better when she made a choice.
And, well, she had…but it wasn’t the choice her parents had ever wanted to consider. Slowly, she ventured, “Maybe I should just keep the baby.”
With a look of regret, he closed the book’s cover. “There’s more to keeping the baby than simply holding a sweet newborn. It’s a commitment of a lifetime.”
“I can be committed.”
“I know you can, honey. But please think about your future. Think about all the things you used to dream about doing. You won’t be able to fulfill those dreams with a baby in tow.”
When her dad said things like that, Lilly always wondered what her father had missed out on. What dreams did he have that were unfulfilled?
When the silence spread thick between them, he tapped the table. “Hey, remember when you wanted to fly planes?”
“I remember.” That had been a childish whim when she’d been twelve. For her dad to bring it up when she was trying to have a real, meaningful conversation with him felt like a slap in the face. “That was a long time ago, you know.”
“But it’s still a possibility. Right now, everything you’ve always wanted to do could happen. If you have a baby to take care of, though, things will change. You won’t be able to do half as much.”
“You and Mom always say you never regret having kids.”
“That’s different, and you know it.”
“Not really.”
“Lilly, your mother and I got married first. You are not married.”
“I know.”
“In addition, Mom and I planned to be together for the rest of our lives. We planned for children, too.”
“But you didn’t plan for Ty. Mom said he was a surprise.”
A flicker of pain crossed his face. “Ty was a surprise because your mother had two miscarriages. We didn’t think we could have any more children after you.”
The news made her dizzy. Somehow, learning that her parents had gone through monumental crises whileshe’d been oblivious to them made her uncomfortable. “I…I didn’t know.”
“Of course you didn’t, Lilly. And we didn’t tell you kids because we knew you didn’t need that burden. I’m only telling you now because I know what it’s like to want a baby and not be able to have one. I feel for those couples, Lilly,” he proclaimed, emotion thick in his voice. “Give that baby a chance.”
Now she felt ashamed and she didn’t even know why. Her mother’s miscarriages weren’t her fault. Yet, all the couples’ needs weren’t her problem either. “I’ll think about adoption again.”
“Thank you.” His voice gentling, her dad squeezed her shoulder. “Before you know it, you’ll be going off to college and all this will just be a memory.”
That didn’t give her any comfort. She didn’t want to forget about the baby. And even though she and Alec were no more, she knew she’d never forget him either.
The kitchen felt stifling. Standing up, she took both their cereal bowls to the sink and rinsed them out. Looking at the clock, she mentally groaned. It was only nine thirty. She had a whole day in front of her with nothing to do. It was enough to slowly make her go crazy. “Dad, I’m going to go out for a little while, go take a walk.”
“It’s thirty degrees out. There’s still snow on the ground. You’ll need to dress warm.”
Here she was, having a baby, making decisions that were going to determine the rest of her life—and her father was worried she didn’t have enough sense
She didn’t know whether her anxiety came from having to make such an important choice, from knowing she was going to disappoint so many people…or from her most private reason of all. “It’s hard to choose, Dad.”
“I know, but it has to be done.” With a gentle smile, he said, “Lillian, I really think you’ll feel better once a decision has been made.”
He was right. There was so much tension in their family, things could only get better when she made a choice.
And, well, she had…but it wasn’t the choice her parents had ever wanted to consider. Slowly, she ventured, “Maybe I should just keep the baby.”
With a look of regret, he closed the book’s cover. “There’s more to keeping the baby than simply holding a sweet newborn. It’s a commitment of a lifetime.”
“I can be committed.”
“I know you can, honey. But please think about your future. Think about all the things you used to dream about doing. You won’t be able to fulfill those dreams with a baby in tow.”
When her dad said things like that, Lilly always wondered what her father had missed out on. What dreams did he have that were unfulfilled?
When the silence spread thick between them, he tapped the table. “Hey, remember when you wanted to fly planes?”
“I remember.” That had been a childish whim when she’d been twelve. For her dad to bring it up when she was trying to have a real, meaningful conversation with him felt like a slap in the face. “That was a long time ago, you know.”
“But it’s still a possibility. Right now, everything you’ve always wanted to do could happen. If you have a baby to take care of, though, things will change. You won’t be able to do half as much.”
“You and Mom always say you never regret having kids.”
“That’s different, and you know it.”
“Not really.”
“Lilly, your mother and I got married first. You are not married.”
“I know.”
“In addition, Mom and I planned to be together for the rest of our lives. We planned for children, too.”
“But you didn’t plan for Ty. Mom said he was a surprise.”
A flicker of pain crossed his face. “Ty was a surprise because your mother had two miscarriages. We didn’t think we could have any more children after you.”
The news made her dizzy. Somehow, learning that her parents had gone through monumental crises whileshe’d been oblivious to them made her uncomfortable. “I…I didn’t know.”
“Of course you didn’t, Lilly. And we didn’t tell you kids because we knew you didn’t need that burden. I’m only telling you now because I know what it’s like to want a baby and not be able to have one. I feel for those couples, Lilly,” he proclaimed, emotion thick in his voice. “Give that baby a chance.”
Now she felt ashamed and she didn’t even know why. Her mother’s miscarriages weren’t her fault. Yet, all the couples’ needs weren’t her problem either. “I’ll think about adoption again.”
“Thank you.” His voice gentling, her dad squeezed her shoulder. “Before you know it, you’ll be going off to college and all this will just be a memory.”
That didn’t give her any comfort. She didn’t want to forget about the baby. And even though she and Alec were no more, she knew she’d never forget him either.
The kitchen felt stifling. Standing up, she took both their cereal bowls to the sink and rinsed them out. Looking at the clock, she mentally groaned. It was only nine thirty. She had a whole day in front of her with nothing to do. It was enough to slowly make her go crazy. “Dad, I’m going to go out for a little while, go take a walk.”
“It’s thirty degrees out. There’s still snow on the ground. You’ll need to dress warm.”
Here she was, having a baby, making decisions that were going to determine the rest of her life—and her father was worried she didn’t have enough sense
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