How to Make Love to a Woman by Xaviera Hollander
Authors: Xaviera Hollander
Tags: Self-Help, Sexual Instruction
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When finding boundaries, it’s fair to use all clues and ask all kinds of questions. When actually exploring those boundaries, play at the edge where the passion lies. You need to use some sophistication and judgment and, most importantly, keep your focus on the journey and forget about the destination.
66
GAMES TO PLAY
The best games to play are those that are inspired by words or actions of a fondly shared scenario, much like the private joke. The best-loved sex games that many experienced adults like to play are those they fell upon, quite by accident. If you explore her boundaries thoroughly, that journey will reveal the games you two should be playing.
“Most wives can’t get past the idea of inviting a man over for the pure simple pleasure of having her husband watch him fuck her. Here’s a suggested game to play to help ease into it. Invite one or two men that suit your wife over for ‘cards.’ But make it a special kind of card game and the winning and losing or the showing or not showing of particular cards equate to something—spend some time coming up with the rules together. She wins a hand, lady’s choice. He wins, his choice. Maybe two pair gets him a hand-job, three of a kind a blowjob with a condom, a full house, sixty-nine, and so on. Play with it. Every gathering has their own variation; customize it to your wife’s pleasure and she’s certainly going to want to play.”
—Xaviera Hollander, Penthouse Letters , August 1987
Some couples develop a private word that when heard or spoken, requires them to kiss, and not just a peck. This is perhaps more of a ritual than a game, but in the spirit of playfulness, it counts. Get a Polaroid camera and play “You Show Me Yours, I’ll Show You Mine.” Couples have played “Captain, May I?” in bed with satisfying results. You can take turns playing dom and sub or you can get some help from your local bookstore, as most stock board games for couples provide stimulation and excitement.
Other games to start that may lead to kinkier times:
Stage a pillow fight or wrestling match.
Visit public saunas.
Ask her to prepare a striptease for you, and you plan one for her.
Play a surprise game of hide and seek.
Get a doctor’s coat and head-band with a light attached and some harmless play instruments; practice developing your “doctor” persona.
And finally, go onto one of the more popular dating portals, like adultfriendfinder, and take their purity test; both of you—and then print and compare scores and answers. Use the Internet to find erotic couples games. There are many—but be sure to retrofit them to your woman’s needs and desires. Fantasies and sex games rarely come in “one size fits all.”
67
READ EROTICA AND WATCH EROTIC FILMS
Read together. It won’t do you any good if one of you, already more interested in sex than the other, goes off and reads more about it. The importance of reading and watching is in the “together” part of doing it. Here are some good books that you should take turns reading to each other. Tell your partner you want to start a new Christmas tradition that requires that she choose an interesting piece of erotica for you every year and wrap it and put it under the tree and you do the same for her. Perhaps decide on books for Christmas, films for birthdays, seeding the lawn for many years of sex-talk and sex-play.
Here are a few of my favorite choices for books that stimulate erotic conversation, from oldest to newest:
The Country Wife by William Wycherley (1675) Provides plenty of material for discussion as the primary characters’ attitudes on sex and marriage are challenged again and again.
Portnoy’s Complaint by Philip Roth (1969) In this classic of American literature, Alexander Portnoy has an unappeasable sexual appetite. Life magazine called it “a tour de force of comic and carnal brilliance.”
The Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by A.N.
When finding boundaries, it’s fair to use all clues and ask all kinds of questions. When actually exploring those boundaries, play at the edge where the passion lies. You need to use some sophistication and judgment and, most importantly, keep your focus on the journey and forget about the destination.
66
GAMES TO PLAY
The best games to play are those that are inspired by words or actions of a fondly shared scenario, much like the private joke. The best-loved sex games that many experienced adults like to play are those they fell upon, quite by accident. If you explore her boundaries thoroughly, that journey will reveal the games you two should be playing.
“Most wives can’t get past the idea of inviting a man over for the pure simple pleasure of having her husband watch him fuck her. Here’s a suggested game to play to help ease into it. Invite one or two men that suit your wife over for ‘cards.’ But make it a special kind of card game and the winning and losing or the showing or not showing of particular cards equate to something—spend some time coming up with the rules together. She wins a hand, lady’s choice. He wins, his choice. Maybe two pair gets him a hand-job, three of a kind a blowjob with a condom, a full house, sixty-nine, and so on. Play with it. Every gathering has their own variation; customize it to your wife’s pleasure and she’s certainly going to want to play.”
—Xaviera Hollander, Penthouse Letters , August 1987
Some couples develop a private word that when heard or spoken, requires them to kiss, and not just a peck. This is perhaps more of a ritual than a game, but in the spirit of playfulness, it counts. Get a Polaroid camera and play “You Show Me Yours, I’ll Show You Mine.” Couples have played “Captain, May I?” in bed with satisfying results. You can take turns playing dom and sub or you can get some help from your local bookstore, as most stock board games for couples provide stimulation and excitement.
Other games to start that may lead to kinkier times:
Stage a pillow fight or wrestling match.
Visit public saunas.
Ask her to prepare a striptease for you, and you plan one for her.
Play a surprise game of hide and seek.
Get a doctor’s coat and head-band with a light attached and some harmless play instruments; practice developing your “doctor” persona.
And finally, go onto one of the more popular dating portals, like adultfriendfinder, and take their purity test; both of you—and then print and compare scores and answers. Use the Internet to find erotic couples games. There are many—but be sure to retrofit them to your woman’s needs and desires. Fantasies and sex games rarely come in “one size fits all.”
67
READ EROTICA AND WATCH EROTIC FILMS
Read together. It won’t do you any good if one of you, already more interested in sex than the other, goes off and reads more about it. The importance of reading and watching is in the “together” part of doing it. Here are some good books that you should take turns reading to each other. Tell your partner you want to start a new Christmas tradition that requires that she choose an interesting piece of erotica for you every year and wrap it and put it under the tree and you do the same for her. Perhaps decide on books for Christmas, films for birthdays, seeding the lawn for many years of sex-talk and sex-play.
Here are a few of my favorite choices for books that stimulate erotic conversation, from oldest to newest:
The Country Wife by William Wycherley (1675) Provides plenty of material for discussion as the primary characters’ attitudes on sex and marriage are challenged again and again.
Portnoy’s Complaint by Philip Roth (1969) In this classic of American literature, Alexander Portnoy has an unappeasable sexual appetite. Life magazine called it “a tour de force of comic and carnal brilliance.”
The Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by A.N.
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