The Hidden Gifts of the Introverted Child by Marti Olsen Laney Psy.d.
Authors: Marti Olsen Laney Psy.d.
Ads: Link
truth is, every child has traits we like, along with some traits that spark concern or make us anxious, and, yes, qualities we just plain don’t like. After all, being the parent of any child requires us to stretch ourselves.
In this chapter, we explore the underlying emotional issues related to raising an introverted child. We discuss how to be attuned to your child’s needs, and how to provide a solid foundation. As with any child, the important thing is to work from a place of acceptance and to strive to understand how the world looks from her eyes. For it is through observing and listening that you’ll learn how to support your child and to create an environment in which she’ll thrive.
Creating a “Hardiness Zone”
In the gardening world, a Hardiness Zone is an area within a larger climate zone where conditions provide a good fit for the particularplants that grow there. When your introverted child is in a growing environment that is well suited to him, he will flourish. Parenting becomes easier for you. Your child is happier. The important thing is to provide the four key elements that innies need in order to create their own Hardiness Zone—the interpersonal equivalent of sun, shade, soil, and moisture. First, you can ensure that you have a strong bond with your child. Second, you can teach him how to work with (rather than against) his own temperament. Third, you can establish a flexible relationship with your child that acknowledges his feelings and supports his brainpower so that he develops his full potential. The fourth element is providing a home “refueling” station where he can recharge.
In giving your innie these four ingredients, you are giving her a sturdy foundation, confidence in her abilities, and a degree of self-sufficiency. For an introvert, trying to be an extrovert uses up tons of fuel. It’s not long before she’s running on empty. You can reduce the resulting energy crash-and-dive and help her keep to a steady, comfortable course.
Establishing Deep Roots
“ To be rooted is perhaps the most important and least recognized need of the human soul.” —Simone Weil
Human beings are born with disorganized brains and helpless bodies. We begin to gain control over our bodies in the first year, but it is not until we are well into our third decade that our brains are fully developed. We humans manage to survive this less-than-auspicious beginning because nature has evolved so that infants instinctively seek bonds with their parents. This inborn drive compels the human baby to seek closeness and comfort from her immediate caretakers. Infantsneed parents not only to give them food and protect them from saber-toothed tigers, but also to help integrate and organize their brains.
Children also build their view of themselves according to how their parents treat them. This is called internalizing . Children take in, or “incorporate,” the way they are treated. This, in turn, builds their sense of an internal caretaker . This is how the child keeps his sense of you, the parent, inside of him as a kind of emotional bulwark. As your child experiences a satisfying enough relationship with you and establishes his internal caretaker, he builds a sense of “weness” that is the foundation of his self-esteem. This interior base of acceptance and care allows innies to feel self-confident as they set out into a broader world that doesn’t necessarily understand them.
Your attachment with your innie is crucial because it affects how her brain develops. In psychology, there has been a great deal of research on “attachment theory.” The quality of the bond between parents and their young child has a strong correlation with her future emotional health. Secure bonds support brain complexity, strengthen emotional fortitude, build strong social skills, and enable a child to make use of her innate brainpower. They ensure a hardiness and resilience in the face of life’s adversity.
Stranger anxiety
In this chapter, we explore the underlying emotional issues related to raising an introverted child. We discuss how to be attuned to your child’s needs, and how to provide a solid foundation. As with any child, the important thing is to work from a place of acceptance and to strive to understand how the world looks from her eyes. For it is through observing and listening that you’ll learn how to support your child and to create an environment in which she’ll thrive.
Creating a “Hardiness Zone”
In the gardening world, a Hardiness Zone is an area within a larger climate zone where conditions provide a good fit for the particularplants that grow there. When your introverted child is in a growing environment that is well suited to him, he will flourish. Parenting becomes easier for you. Your child is happier. The important thing is to provide the four key elements that innies need in order to create their own Hardiness Zone—the interpersonal equivalent of sun, shade, soil, and moisture. First, you can ensure that you have a strong bond with your child. Second, you can teach him how to work with (rather than against) his own temperament. Third, you can establish a flexible relationship with your child that acknowledges his feelings and supports his brainpower so that he develops his full potential. The fourth element is providing a home “refueling” station where he can recharge.
In giving your innie these four ingredients, you are giving her a sturdy foundation, confidence in her abilities, and a degree of self-sufficiency. For an introvert, trying to be an extrovert uses up tons of fuel. It’s not long before she’s running on empty. You can reduce the resulting energy crash-and-dive and help her keep to a steady, comfortable course.
Establishing Deep Roots
“ To be rooted is perhaps the most important and least recognized need of the human soul.” —Simone Weil
Human beings are born with disorganized brains and helpless bodies. We begin to gain control over our bodies in the first year, but it is not until we are well into our third decade that our brains are fully developed. We humans manage to survive this less-than-auspicious beginning because nature has evolved so that infants instinctively seek bonds with their parents. This inborn drive compels the human baby to seek closeness and comfort from her immediate caretakers. Infantsneed parents not only to give them food and protect them from saber-toothed tigers, but also to help integrate and organize their brains.
Children also build their view of themselves according to how their parents treat them. This is called internalizing . Children take in, or “incorporate,” the way they are treated. This, in turn, builds their sense of an internal caretaker . This is how the child keeps his sense of you, the parent, inside of him as a kind of emotional bulwark. As your child experiences a satisfying enough relationship with you and establishes his internal caretaker, he builds a sense of “weness” that is the foundation of his self-esteem. This interior base of acceptance and care allows innies to feel self-confident as they set out into a broader world that doesn’t necessarily understand them.
Your attachment with your innie is crucial because it affects how her brain develops. In psychology, there has been a great deal of research on “attachment theory.” The quality of the bond between parents and their young child has a strong correlation with her future emotional health. Secure bonds support brain complexity, strengthen emotional fortitude, build strong social skills, and enable a child to make use of her innate brainpower. They ensure a hardiness and resilience in the face of life’s adversity.
Stranger anxiety
Similar Books
